Interesting day.. and Lead Me

This is the first picture I've uploaded to my blog yay!!! haha celebrate! No more drab posts! BTW this is a picture of Saray and myself haha.

First off I'd like to say two things.
I'm super sorry for not writing for so long! I have been very busy and just haven't gotten around to it. Secondly this is going to be a short post because I need to get to bed so I can start a new day tomorrow. (I'm on a bit of a time limit so if i cut off it means I need to go to bed)

Today I was someone I am not. In other words I acted not to say out of my character because it came perfectly naturally, but not quite the way I want to be. Again to rephrase that, I did not accomplish everything I would have liked to in the day and I go to bed with a sense of unfinished work, not fully proper way of being (ok that doesn't make sense but this is random stream of thing). I want many things I didn't get and feel like I lost something.



Ok I've discovered several things today. One of them is we sometimes have hidden talents. Another one is that when you write something there is a lot of context that is left only to the mind of the writer. But let me tell you about the first one. My friend from Argentina who is currently living in Indonesia came to stay at our house. Today I was telling her about how I want to be a writer, and suddenly she said,

"Oh Amy, write a song! I have the chords for a song so let's write one."

I was very reluctant and kept saying, "No, I can't write that! I'm no good at it."

Which is still quite true haha. I had no idea how to do it, and didn't think I could get anything to sound right. But she started playing the chords softly and I just wrote what came to mind. Then, Miracle of miracles! She put a tune to my random words and made them sound like a song! I was amazed! I think she's definitely got a gift for this.

So she started singing through it and got all excited about it. By now I was getting quite excited myself. Do you know how if feels to have words that you just splatter across a page turn into a tuneful melody?? Well, I did and it felt pretttttyyy goood hehe.

Anyway we worked on it for several hours and it is still very far from perfect but I hope to video record the song and post it up on Facebook. I'll put a link up if we do. For now I'll just put the half of it, which is the words. Honestly, though, it sounds a lot better as music.

There is no poetical meter to it but with a tune it's actually a song! I'm still quite amazed. Also, a bit of explanation about the song. The meaning behind it, although only figured out halfway through the writing goes along these lines. It is a love song to God speaking a little about how we want to live for him. A little bit of a story (not from our own personal experience as many songs are. But a lot of songwriters tell stories not their own. Ok I'm not putting myself in that category! noo, very far from it.) about searching for the One, or love and not finding it.

So it could double as a love song but it doesn't really..anyway. The part about the desert is our struggles and fight to mature in our relationship with God until we can find that place of rest with him, kinda a place impossible to reach so I guess it could be heaven. But really it's a place where we are deeply in love with God and on the right path, doing His will. Well..actually just see what you get out of the song yourself la..I'll leave it up to God to show you what he wants from it. Only other one I know is that the place across the ocean is like the Mission field ;).

Without further Ado, Lead Me by Saray and Amy

Intro?/Verse 1:
I know the truth
And I know I’ll find you someday
and here I am standin’
findin’ truth where I was looking
for so long

And I know you’ll find me
and take me by surprise
Then you’ll come right in
and take me by my hand

Chorus 1:
Lead me through the desert
to that other side
where dreams come true
where dreams come true
In that oasis
In that beautiful home
where I live for you
I live for you oh Lord
where I live for you
I live for you alone

Bridge:
As I keep running away
You keep chasing me
and I can’t hide from your loving eyes
cuz I was meant for such a time
for such a place as this

Lead me through the desert
to that other side
where dreams come true
where dreams come true
In that oasis
In that beautiful home
where I live for you
I live for you oh Lord
where I live for you
I live for you alone

Verse 2:
I’ve been searching through the years
but never really seeing you at all
yet you stood by my side
whispering in my ear
those sweet assurances
you are my strength

Chorus 2:
Lead me across the ocean
to that other place
where dreams come true
where dreams come true
that new land
That fresh sweet home
Where I live for you
I live for you oh Lord
where I live for you
I live for you alone

Strange verse thing..:
I know the truth
And I know you’ve found me
And here I am Standin
Knowing that you love me
have loved me for so long

As I keep running away
You keep chasing me
and I can’t hide from your loving eyes
cuz I was meant for such a time
for such a place as this

Lead me through the desert across the ocean
to that other side that other place
where dreams come true
where dreams come true
Where I live for you
I live for you oh Lord
where I live for you
I live for you alone for you alone

End Chorus thing?:
Lead me through the desert
to that other side
Lead me across the ocean
to that other place
Where dreams come true
Where dreams come true
Where I live for you

(Yes I know the Chorus repeats but oh well..I'll fix it to be more like a song thing later..)
I'll say it now, very unprofessional I know..but hey, it's our first song and we thought of it today.
haha it's alreadly past the time I was going to finish so, Goodnight!
Adios!

Your's (The Lord's) )Truly!(.
Amy

What makes a Good Writer?

That's the question I've been asking myself lately. I mean, what is it that qualifies one to be considered a good writer? I practically just drip my thoughts all over a page in typed letters, and sometimes they come out making sense and other times they're a total mess. I just wonder how you become a good writer. What develops the quality?

I know a big part of it must be simple practice, but is there something more? Is the only way to improve is if I keep challenging myself to write new and stretching things? I don't know. All I know is that when I try and write something brilliant and make it as perfect as I possibly can I get a few scratched up words that don't sound at all natural. Writer's block is like a sheet of ice between me and the keyboard. I can't make anything sound right.

Then I look at these wonderfully written articles and I wonder where they get the words and the strength to put it down on paper in such a great way. I see all the pressure they must be under to get something good out and I really wonder how they stand up to it.

Perhaps I just have a fear of writing. A fear of not measuring up to my dream and that's what inhibits me. I wonder almost every day if I have what it takes to be a writer. I'm realizing more and more how much courage and strength is needed to step forward and curl your hand around the pen that will shape your future. I want to know if I have what it takes! I long to understand what gift I have been given by God. What part did he give me and what part do I have to work at with fierce determination to reach. Do I really have what it takes to write?

I feel a fire inside that burns with longing. I want to understand. I want to learn. I want to find out if this is really what God wants me to be. It's like a song I know goes. A sea of insecurity rages inside of me. Can I take the challenge of writing a novel into my hands and really make it a reality? And after that will it be of enough quality to be enjoyed by others?

I want to know! Is everything I've been dreaming about for so long a simple fancy? Writing seems far more difficult than so many other professions. It seems to take twice as much courage and four times as much determination. There are so many people out there trying to make a mark on the world and yet few make it very far. Thousands upon thousands of people dream the same dream I have since I was little, but how many succeed?

I only must be certain that this is the call of God on my life and then I will have something much greater on my side than most of those people. I will have a loving, caring God who knows what is best for me far better than I know myself. I don't know if I can write. I don't know if I have what it takes. But I do know that God will always be on my side.

It's just that ever since I started reading books about writing (a favorite former hobby) I kept seeing two things that rather bugged me. One, all these writers began when they were so young. They started writing at ages 7, 9, 10, 12. And I don't mean writing in the sense that they occasionally wrote a little ditty. These were the ages they began to journal and journal quite frequently.

In my heart and mind I struggled to begin to journal. I knew I needed to write because of number two, they're one always common advice was, practice, practice, practice! In other words, write, write, write! Only now do I begin a blog in earnest and I hope I can get back into fictional writing.

Therein lies my heart. I have a story to tell. A story that takes place in a world very near to my heart and yet very far from this earth. I don't believe I can ever measure up to the great Authors of the world, C.S. Lewis, JRR Tolkien, but I do believe I have something to offer the world.

My one hope that keeps me holding onto my dreams, is the desire that rises in me on a rare occasion to write and write with a fury of inspiration. I want to put so much emotion into what I write. I believe writing is like any other art. It takes someone brave and at the same one someone who is willing to express their deepest feelings in a way that can express what others don't have the words to say.

I need to go do school now so I'm just going to post this up. Sorry haven't been so artsy lately. I'll try and post some more colorful and artistic posts later.

Your's (The Lord's) )Truly!(.
Amy

The Frivoloties of the Mind

What sorts of frivolities has your mind been indulging in lately? In this way I mean, what silly pointless and yet lovely things have you been thinking about? The things that are comparable to delectable little chocolates that are so tasty and yet so unhealthy if it makes up the constitution of your entire diet. I could begin to list all the different things that I consider to be frivolities but I won't for two reasons. My list would be too long, and it would make anyone who is lax with their imagination to despair of ever having a non frivolous thought.
written: 1/28/09 8:22 pm

Let me first begin by telling you that the above paragraph I wrote several days ago and decided not to continue because of the stuck up nature of the article. Now I return to it with a renewed vigor because I have just read the essay Life without Principle, by Henry David Thoreau. Now, I don't agree with everything he has to say the therein but it has both inspired me and challenged me.

I would highly recommend to anyone to read his essay, because it makes us think and challenges us to clear our minds of simple purposeless thoughts and try delving into the greater riches of life. He doesn't approach it from a Christian perspective, but I believe that if he had it would have attained a much greater height of purpose then it did. Scoff me all you'd like, I'm no brilliant mind and am just expressing my opinion. I'm full of Thoreau right now so let me say, in the words of Thoreau:

I take it for granted, when I am invited to lecture anywhere, that the desire to hear what I think on some subject, though I may be the greatest fool in the country, --and not that I should say pleasant things merely, or such as the audience will assent to; and I resolve, accordingly, that I will give them a strong dose of myself. They have sent for me, and engaged to pay for me, and I am determined that they shall have me, though I bore them beyond all precedent.

You are not paying for me nor is this a lecture, but since you are on my blog you are here at your own risk :). Leave whenever you feel inclined.

One of the examples of a time when he delved into a deep topic, but missed the mark because of lack of perspective is this. (Remember all is simply in my own perspective and I'm just adding this to edit out all the I thinks that might make it sound a bit less presumptuous.)
Aaa..well..I cannot find the quote at the moment so if I do I'll post it back here but for now I'm moving on.

There are a lot of memorable and good lovely ideas in this essay. I'll just give you some quotes and my ideas.

When I first started reading this essay I read it silently and while lieing down in the early afternoon. That was a mistake. I hadn't the brainpower to process the ideas expressed and...I soon fell asleep. The next day when I tried to take it up around the same time as the day before I nearly fell asleep again! The appeal for this essay was draining away and my moral was dropping...Then my mom came in to join me and I ended up reading it to her. That helped a whole lot to read it out loud.

These last few days I have been feeling a bit down and out. I was having a hard time seeing any purpose or meaningfulness in my current life, mainly in the last few days. It's mostly to the credit of my laziness in not focusing on school work as much as I should. I didn't feel that my mind or body was being exercised anywhere near it's lowest potential.

Chatting became dull and uninteresting because it felt so pointless and without meaning. Conversations never getting deeper then what kind of livelihood do you plan on having once you're out of school. There wasn't a way of exchanging deeper concepts of life or discussing ideas...I am in search of that now. The lack of imagination in my conversations was getting to be very mundane.

Now, my advice to anyone who gets into the same rut I've been in is exactly what I did. It was hard to get started and I needed my mom to get me into it :), but once I was going I started getting into it. You have no idea how smart it makes you feel reading aloud the writings of someone who has a brilliant way with words and ideas and understanding them. Try it sometime.

After a page or two I hit upon the thought that made me start this post a while back. That's when my interest was sparked. I began this post before I read this essay and it was beginning along the lines of what he talks about in this essay. I barely touched the surface like a butterfly brushes it's wings on a leaf, but I did start something along the lines of this adept philosopher, and that's what stirred my excitement. Did I really start along the same train of thought?
He said:

I often accuse my finest acquaintances of an immense frivolity; for, while there are manners and compliments we do not meet, we do not teach one another the lessons of honesty and sincerity that the brutes do, or of steadiness and solidity that the rocks do.

Now, I do not pretend to fully understand this statement nor to claim I came to this conclusion. It was the frivolity that caught my interest and made me remember the way I had begun to write about it here. Along the line of the idleness of our daily chatter is this next quote that comes from a little farther down the page:

Just so hollow and ineffectual, for the most part, is our ordinary conversation. Surface meets surface. When our life ceases to be inward and private, conversation degenerates into mere gossip.

Isn't this so true sometimes? I have definitely felt this. If we arn't barely speaking about superficial surfaces of our lives such as how our day has been, the movies we watch, the music we listen to, and all other 'small talk' as it is labeled, then we speak of each other's feelings and heart issues in derogatory ways.

We stab each other in the back when we are left to discuss the actions and attitudes of those we know and often delight in turning against in malice once they are out of earshot. Honeyed words that they hear are the covering for our sometime cruel gossip. Ok, yes, I know I just went about in describing it in a dark and morbid way. This is not what I think my current friends are like, but I have had friends of this kind.

I don't fault them wholly for it though, I think in the past it has not always come out of an intent to hurt, though it does, and does intensely, but more out of an ignorance of the pain it can cause. An opening of the part of our mind subject to our fallen nature and the reason we cannot read each other's thoughts. They could be far too hurtful to know. In the privacy of our minds we sometimes think of others what we would never say. Yet sometimes before we truly learn the weight words can have, we let those evil fallen thoughts to slip out in words. Gossip. As the wise words of Proverbs put it:

A perverse man stirs up dissension, and a gossip separates close friends.

As you can see I was swept away on a current of thought provoking ideas from Thoreau. I hope to do another post on him and even on the Frivolities of the mind but as night wanes and I grow weary I must get some sleep :). I hope someone will enjoy this. Once again...I'm developing a habit of just posting and not looking over it beforehand...I hope it is alright.

More Thoreau later. My dad is going to read this essay and we're going to discuss it :).

Your's (The Lord's) )Truly!(.
Amy

The Dawn of a New Day

Last night I went to bed bubbly over with laughter, this morning I wake up with a grumbling stomach and a new vigor for the new day. It took me a while to wake up, but that's mainly because I still haven't gotten enough regular sleep to be well caught up and rested hehe... I do need more sleep.

I thought that if I started writing now, in the morning, then I'd be less likely to run out of time before I need to go to bed :). That way I can get more down. You see, I have SOOO much that I want to tell you...well, to get written down anyway. There are so many different things I can write about here.

I've come up with all sorts of ideas on what to write. I could and hopefully will write about different issues that are relevant to us teens in these troubled days. I can lay open my mind on the things that i find important. Ok, but here and now let me reiterate. I will, hopefully be talking about all kinds of thing big and small, but for the big things, the things that effect everone, please know that I don't think I have all the answers, I'm just telling what I think. So, if you happen to drastically disagree with what I'm saying then that's fine, I might be wrong, it might just have different perspectives, or you can just stop reading whenever you feel like it ;).

I'll start out by saying this, I am a Christian. That in itself would turn off the public at large cuz as the Bible says in Matthew 24:9b:

"...and you will be hated by all nations because of me."

That's what I was just reading this morning. And this time the part that struck me was the all. I mean, yes, I've always know that we will be, and are persecuted by many nations. But what about the fact that it says all?? Anyway, I could expound but I've put off posting this thing for all day and I kinda do want to post it today.

You can see the time this was posted and also know that I wrote it around 8 a.m. yesterday.. :S.

Your's (The Lord's) )Truly!(.
Amy

Iron in the Fire

Lately a lot of thoughts have flooded my mind. I've been asking myself; what is friendship? What is companionship really? How do you develope friendships and can you be friends with people that you don't seem to click with right away? Should it just be left alone if it didn't work out at first? Do you just let it develop naturally? And if it doesn't does that mean it was a friendship that was never meant to be?

How about the fact that I want to be friends with someone that it would take a lot of extra work to create that friendship. Should I just leave it be, supposing that perhaps it wasn't the kind of friendship I was meant to have? All these questions. Few answers. Well in any case, I'm going to leave it for a month and see what happens after that.

Once I'm totally rid of my own personal sentimentality then maybe. Maybe I'll be able to have a simple and yet productive friendship. That's all I think I should have for now. Friendship. My heart has been seeking something deeper and i think that is because I haven't been fulfilling the relationship I should have with my Master. God.

He really should be the center of my life. Right now.. He isn't. But I hope to remedy that. I really want to grow closer to him. Draw near to his heart, be like iron put into the flame to come out red hot. That was the vision I had when I was praying with my best friend a few days ago.

It was like I saw a big fire like one that you find in a blacksmiths furnace. A long strip of metal was sticking out of the fire. A hand, the hand of the blacksmith (in this case God I suppose) who was working it took the piece from the fire. With a large hammer he started pounding it into shape, but, you see, the point of this was not that he could shape it. It was that after he had pounded it for a while he would have to put it back in the fire because it had lost its glow.

I was realizing that for a long while I've been outside of that fire. Since, I've been away from that fire I've lost my red hot glow and the blows from the hammer are no longer affecting me. I can't live away from the fire and expect to be on an edge with God. Never setting aside time to be in his presence but expecting him to still be very close in my mind. I've been turning cold and hard.

I realized this because of what I'd been noticing for so long. I tried to address this in my last post but never got around to it. For a long time I've felt that the way I discern and understand things has been not firmly grounded in the word. I couldn't have described it this way before, but after talking to Eunice, now I can.

I remember a time when I saw and longed for intimacy with God. When I looked at how great people could get caught on one ideology and end up getting messed up by it. That's when I realized that we need to really, really know the word if we want to avoid those pitfalls. When we end up depending too much on ourselves or our own interpretation of God's word without really looking at his Word as a whole.

That's another thing that we really need. We need people. No one can keep totally strait without someone to help us. That's why the bible is full of fellowship. It's something everyone needs. We need people we can trust and depend on to keep our secrets, love us through our hardships, and be there for us in everything that we do. Everyone needs support, guidance, love, discipline, laughter, listeners. We all need others.

Imagine the world where everyone is individual; only ever looking out for themselves. Never being able to trust anyone. It seems like a dreary and forsaken place to be. What kind of life is there to live without good healthy interaction with other people.

Ok, I know this could end up being another one of those expansive unedited posts, but before it is I'll just stop. Again, I'd like to say that I'm sorry for a lot of my repetitiveness and bad wording and all the other things that make this so lack of good writing. I just know that the only way I'm going to get better is by doing this a whole lot. Because what I'm doing is simply typing just about as fast as the thoughts come to mind. (I'm learning how to slow down my thinking so I can get it into typed words ;).)

I would go through this and brighten it up with some fancy stuff and pretty colors, but I started late and I need to get some sleep cuz I've got a big day tomorrow. (Apryl's coming over YEA!) Well, Goodnight my dear friends and fellow humans...and maybe even an enemy or to. lol anyway as I get more informal at the end of my post

As Tigger would always say;

TTFN!

Your's (The Lord's) )Truly!(.
Amy

Filling in the Spaces..

I sit here again, as I always do, thinking about the recent events that have shaped my world for the last few weeks. The lack of all emotion that leaves me void overwhelms me now. In the clarity of the moment I see as plainly as the noonday sun what has been unobtrusively hovering at the edge of my consciousness for the last few weeks.


Something has felt off inside. I don't mean like a light switch. I mean when a poster is slightly crooked and it irritates the daylights out of you but you're not sure which way to move it. Or like an uncomfortable kink in your back that you can't seem to get rid of no matter which way you turn.


Arg. There I go again. One of the things that has felt superficial and out of place is this. In everything I've written or done that will show up on the internet I've always been doing it with someone in mind. Even half subconsciously I've been writing, posting, commenting, in such a way to impress or make a point to this one particular person. I've done it with the intention that he might see it, might notice the way I am, or who I am by it.

Somehow I've been trying to shape an image that might be found interesting by this one person. Now I look at some of the things and feel that same off centered, not wholly true way. It's still me, yes, but at the same time, it's a plastered rather above myself me. An image of myself though slightly enhanced and overdone to be noticed instead of trying to express myself in the true simplicity of pure unpremeditated character that I am.


Thinking is good. Thinking through what you want to say is good. But I came to the point where I crossed a line between thinking out whether it's a good idea or not to have the way I would act and react preplanned. It's almost like deceiving someone. Even though I would still be speaking and acting, it wouldn't be completely who I am.


I've been covering my feelings because they aren't right. Well, not that they're exactly bad, but they just don't fit what God means me to be and have created in me desires that shouldn't be awakened yet. And it's not what you're thinking. Well, not wholly so. (Please understand that this is badly worded to say the least..It's not really serious. Don't worry :P)


Anyway, I'm going to begin shedding this by shedding my artifice. Sorry for all these largish words but I'm in an eloquent mood. What enters my mind, for I am speaking mainly through my mind now, I write. This seems to be the only way I can manage to write anything. And eventually I'm going to have to warn people when I'm writing because if I lose the thought I'm following I'll never regain it. It's like chasing impish fairies that love to dance at the corners of your eyes. Once you are finally able to fix your full vision on them you can't look away or they will dance away into the mist of fancy, never to be seen again. Or at least, very rarely.


Let me see, what was I saying? Well, here I go again, I was just talking to my dad who just got home from Frasiers hill. Let me get back to that thought...how can I adress it. There's something more I need to say. Bear with me as I ramble. I hope this continues. You might ask what I mean and it's simply this. I've found it so hard to get comfortable with writing and yet one of my lifelong dreams and goals was to become a writer. It's not exactly that I've had writers block, but it's just that I've wanted to do it really really well, simply because my dream is to live off of writing.


I've had this thought that's been locking the doors to my writing capacity that is this. To be a writer you must write well. Exceptionally well. I've been wanting to do really well in my writing because there are so many people who have never aspired to write as a vocation and here I am dreaming of it and not being able to do so much as get a proper essay down. Ok. I know that was a really long and probably grammatically incorrect sentence. You know what? At the moment I don't care.


As long as I'm writing what's coming from me and not something apart from me, I'll be doing well. That's why I started doing this. I wanted a way to be able to go from head through pen (or in this case keyboard.) into script.


My mind's trail of thought has changed. Hehe.. It's because I just needed to plug in my computer now that it's down on reserve power. Again, sorry for the well, in my opinion, rather stilted language. I'm in a prosy mood and it almost feels rather out of place to use slang in this.


I would have used another word but now that I can't figure out how to spell it, I'm not sure it even exists.


Back to a previous topic, I've noticed something, almost incomprehensible, changing about me. Almost, but not quite. Now that I've been able to realize what it is I've decided it's not good and I shouldn't have it. I realized that lately my tastes have been changing, and I don't mean in the normal natural way that tastes change as we grow older. I mean they've been changing from a more Christian perspective to a slightly more secular one.


It's been so slight that I didn't really realize until now that I'm starting to like music I always used to find distasteful, slightly disturbing things that strange people do on tv (Such as American Idol) haven't been as repulsive as they used to be. I'm not saying the change has been very strong or that I find certain ways acceptable even though they go against everything I've ever been taught. No. I just mean that I haven't been as unwavering in my opinions about those thing as I used to be.


I'm sorry (once again) to say that whether or not you understand this isn't actually the point. I'm just sorting out my thoughts as I go along, which means I end up with some very confusing conclusions. Whatever you think doesn't matter at the moment.


I might regret being this blunt someday, but I'd better not think about that. At the moment I'm being uninhibited and free enough to do just as I've wanted to do. Write with unfettered, free abandon without the pangs of self conciousness because I think what other people will say about this.


Somehow though, I've found I can't write like this just for myself. I've tried writing on and on like this but it always dried up and I haven't found the words to continue. It seems I need an audience, albeit a completely invisible and non pressurizing audience, but still, an audience. When I know that no other eyes will see this but my own I have total freedom to say as I wish, but I have no drive to do that.


Oh boy, I don't know who would ever want to take the time to read this whole mess of an entry but it feels so good to be able to write like this. It makes my dreams feel possible. You see, I hold this dream of becoming an author. The kind that writes fantasy. But I don't want to just write anything. (I know all authors have this goal but shouldn't we aim higher than even we think we can reach? As C. S. Lewis put it: Aim at heaven and you will get earth thrown in. Aim at earth and you get neither. )


I want to write something meaningful. Something that won't just be a good entertaining read, but will feed the soul of the reader, even unconciously. I've had a belief that you can reach out to someone in a very deep and impacting way through the lightest forms of entertainment. You can touch someones soul and make them think deeply without preaching at them or screaming in their ear.


I've always thought it would be really great to have the added bonus of becoming popular, even famous for the books and gaining riches from it. But now I don't think that would be what is really important. I think the greatest and most valuable thing to aim for is fulfilling God's will in my life. If I can do that, well, there isn't a better reward then the one he has waiting for me.


That's what I'd really like to do. I'd like to show people what God has shown me. No, I don't claim to know great things. I don't want to presume that I have something really worth knowing. I just want to do what God wants me to. And I think this is one of the things.
God has given me a goal to try and get down everything I know about the story he's beginning to shape in my mind by sometime I believe in either April or May or I might lose the entire story. It's not brilliant, but it does scare me to think about losing it.

I've been given a gift. My gift is not that I am a talented writer. Neither has it been a gift of discipline to write. Both of those I need and cannot get without, but they are things I have to work for and earn. My gift, is the story I have to tell. It is not true in the reality that everything about it is fictitious. But the core of it, it's heart, is truth. I'm not trying to say that I have a story that's 'all that'. I don't think it has this heart of truth yet, I'm just trusting in God, that if I fulfill my side of the deal, he, in his perfect, uncompromising faithfulness will fulfill his promise.

Ahh. He's on my mind again. For the long blissful writing of this post he wasn't there to intrusively fill my mind and heart. No I'm going to be rid of these thoughts of him soon. (Please realize I am not talking about an alternate personality that tries to take over my mind or anything. Nor is this some sort of voice of evil that is trying to convince me to do things. It is simply my silly foolish heart and mind thinking on the person I mentioned in the beginning of this long post. And please also realize that it isn't his fault nor does he have any idea of it. That's the one nice thing about this whole senario. Once I'm fully over this/him I can go and become friends with him without any of this foolery to inhibit a simple friendship. But for now I'll just avoid that.)

Now to describe what it's been like to write this lingering post. Oh it was delight! I'm not sure how delightful it will be for anyone to read...but that's entirely besides the point ;P lol. Now I'm probably going to slip a bit into slang hehe. Oh forget it. Say whatever you want, I'll just try and keep this sense of freedom so I can write many more of this wordy posts. After all, at the moment my goal is not perfecting the skill, but simply practicing and developing it a bit.

I've always known that it takes simply a lot, a lot of practice to learn how to write and write well. Practice makes perfect.

Uhoh..I have that feeling like I'd want this post to go on forever...but I'm sure you're thinking WHEN IS THIS EVER GOING TO END??? Well, without further ado I'll end this luxuriously long post.

PS to future Amy, Please don't be totally horrified at how terribly written this was and know that I don't think it's all that great now. It's just lovely practice :D.

Your's (The Lord's) )Truly!(.
Amy