I can't help but feel a little broken. That's all I've been asking to become, actually. I'm praying for a broken and contrite spirit. I need God's help to live and breathe again. I didn't get a lot done yesterday, because I wasted the day. Now I want to try again see what reasons I have to keep going.
I'm learning something new now. The truth is, I've discovered that it's only through a lot of failure and defeat that you make it to success. If you don't get up again after you fail you'll never fail again, that's true, but you'll never succeed either. Every day that I find it really difficult to write on this book, I am stretching my inner muscles. My discipline muscles. The more I stretch them, and the more continuously I use them the stronger they'll get.
So I'm going to keep pressing on. I can't give up now, I've only just begun. The other day when I was praying with my mom she saw a vision about this. It's really encouraging, because in it I was running a race with hurtles. At first I toppled several over and almost wanted to stop, but God was saying to not worry about them.
"There are plenty more hurtles ahead. Don't worry when you miss a few!" He said.
So I kept going and then was distracted by the forest. It was beautiful and mysterious--enticing me to go have a look at it. God warned me not to go off but keep running on the path. I came to more hurtles and they were much higher. This time they had wine glasses on them and I skimmed over the tops without spilling any of the water. There were people also cheering me on all the time, despite the fact I was running this race alone.
I made it to the end and all the rest is for another time.
WIP WordCount: 15,122
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