I don't want a Relationship, I want a Friend.

If I were to explain this it would easily be explaining things that are my secrets :). I just stumbled upon this sentence late last night in the clarity of midnight stillness. It perfectly describes everything I've been going through over the past several months..oiy..I'm tired. And I should be doing other much more productive activities.

The 'Duh' Moments in Life

Guitar! I love playing it now. I'm still not very good but I'm improving and that's what makes it fun. Today I finally did the OBVIOUS and went online to look for help on strumming and reading tabs. Now I'm learning how to play the song I'm Getting into You by Relient K!! Yay!!!

I might start telling my daily events tonight as a pre-going to bed thing. I must say this though before I continue on this blog. All the ideas and thoughts or things I say I'm going to do are just brainstorming stuff and I might never continue along them as the point of this blog is to simply write and write in abundance, that's probably why not many people would take the time to read it...but anyway!

Amy Trying again

Signing off



Your's (The Lord's) )Truly!(.
Amy

Brainstorming

I know I wasn't going to be on my computer for a while but here I am again. Anywho I'm just dropping a note to tell you I have a ton of ideas for this blog and either they won't even take off the ground or I'll test them out but I hope you find a feature you enjoy.

I've already mentioned one of my ideas but I'm not sure where it will go. Here's a bunch of brainstormed stuff and only the future can tell whether it will actually work or not.

• While I'm in the US I'm going to try and have a daily recounting of what I did from the morning until the evening, a general account of my days activites. Whether you find this interesting or not it's going to be so I can look back and remember my vacation. We'll see how far I get before I am too tired at night to write anything =).
• Another idea is to have a post that starts with a Bible verse/quote/poem or something of the kind and a post that is devoted to delving as deeply as my rather inept mind can on that subject which I choose. XD. I'll probably only write as long as things interest me and therefore some posts might be short and some long. Who knows if I can even do this.
• Another idea is something I've been needing to do. I need to enlarge my vocabulary with a lot of great words. I must start brining them into my stories, into my other writing, and into my conversation. I love big words and I hope this works.
• I'm also going to try and have something to tell you about my latest reads. This should help me keep going with my reading and give you an idea of what my interest are and about the books without spoiling them.

s I have a lot of ideas and these are just a few basic things. I hope to expand and develop this blog as I develop my writing and a capacity to write lenghty amounts in one sitting. I'm learnign slowly and I love this place to be free to delve into it and have at the same time an invisible drive knowing that someone might read this and find a bit of interest in it.

Farewell Fair friends and fiends alike!

Find your way into the light :)

Your's (The Lord's) )Truly!(.
Amy

School! Farewell Computer!

Sorry I haven't written in a while but I'm actually just writing this to let you know I'm not going to be on for a while...like a couple of days. I know it's not that long considering how far apart some of my posts are but I'll say goodbye anyway :).

I realized it's only a month and a half before we go to the US and I have a lot I need to get done. I really need to ignore all else and focus on school. Thus I say farewell. Arg I need to stop thinking about Youth so much haha. I gotta get school done!! So much to do! So little time. Goodbye~

Your's (The Lord's) )Truly!(.
Amy

Skittish Mind of Mine

It's a few minutes to 2 am. I am exhausted and sick and tired of this stressing situation. I look forward to tomorrow evening because after that I'll be done with this and I can look forward to getting away from here for a bit over a month. If you know of the skit I'm putting on for Easter then you would most likely think that it was the stress in putting that on.

Actually that's not really true. I loved doing this and enjoyed hanging out with most of them. No most of the time I enjoyed hanging out with all of them. The only times I didn't were when there was a problem within me...ahem... Anyway...I'm sorry guys if I've been too harsh or anything!! I'm super sorry :(. I hope I didn't get you annoyed at me for being so tense..

The tangles of my heart, mind, and soul have been deeply involved in this skit. I have been constantly pulling myself in opposite directions until I'm in tatters and falling to pieces. It's not easy to deal with you being mad at yourself haha! :p. I know, I'm weird and most of the time I'm not crazy but I don't have the appropriate words to describe how I feel and it comes across that I'm a little mad..

You know like the fact that I get super angry at myself until I glare off into space and pound the air and sometimes pound the walls with controlled motions. In all truth I'm glaring at myself and getting up tight at my own fallen idiotic self :). I make weak descisions and say foolish things that most people won't notice, but I notice and demand better of myself. I'm working on it. You see, when I glare off into space I usually am moderately sure no one sees me but I picture the face I make to myself and so on..

I try and be very harsh with myself though I fail utterly...I let myself go to far. I am indulgent and spoil myself to the most unacceptable limits. I beg with myself and let do like a child who has a tanturm to get his way.



Your's (The Lord's) )Truly!(.
Amy

Life is Life and I am Laughing

I believe I'm learning to laugh at myself. That is instead of feeling totally embarrassed when I feel that I look totally ridiculous or do something foolish and perhaps humiliating, I try and smile as if to an inside joke or laugh at myself before anyone else gets the chance and it takes the sting out of any comments from others. It can also take the fun out of them too.

The times I'm not at all good at this is when I say something and later regret it. What I mean is, I go home and (figuratively...most of the time) bang my head on the wall for what an idiot thing to say. I know that probably the people I said it to will forget it and not consider me as stuck up and show offish as I sounded. But I do get really annoyed at myself over such situations.



Your's (The Lord's) )Truly!(.
Amy

Music! Musique! Musik! Música!

I love this stuff!! I spend a load of time listening to it. In our day and age as teens it is something there are very few people I know who don't listen to some form of it.

Your's (The Lord's) )Truly!(.
Amy

p.s. About the title, order of language: French, German, Spanish

All and Only About...

I've decided to start a new kind of post. I will pick a topic, object, idea, or whatever and write only about that thing. The Title's will be the name of that thing in four languages..sorry I'm no good with Malay...I don't know just wanted to be random.

Ok..so I'm going to try this...

Your's (The Lord's) )Truly!(.
Amy

Poetry Posted!

I just put this post up! Please go read my poem and tell me what you think! I know the story is rather shallow and incomplete..but hey it rhymes! No honestly, tell me what you think :).


Your's (The Lord's) )Truly!(.
Amy

Simplicity is Key

Life and leisure
Pain and pleasure
how to measure
all we have

Joy and pain
loss and gain
mad and sane
cold and plain

where you find
God divine
life is greater
than for
those without


Your's (The Lord's) )Truly!(.
Amy

Stepping Stones to Godliness in my Heart

Once I am firmly founded in the Faith, then I will seek out such friendships as to strengthen and challenge me. Not by my own strength will I stand firm but by throwing all my trust on the Lord I will find a strength that is indomitable. His wisdom will be mine and my heart, soul, body, and mind will be his to mold as he created them to become.

I will depend on him fully and he will be my shelter and my guide. No one will find their way past his fortified citadel in which I will reside unless invited to enter by him alone. He will guard my heart as it is in his possession and only give it away to whom it is fit and made for.

One resolution I have already made:

I will not date until I am 18 and at that age I will re-examine the state of my heart and soul and hold counsel with my God as to what my new resolution will be.

Stepping stones.
There may be many
but it's much easier than climbing one slick crackles step to the very top that resembles a smooth cliff.

There is such a thing as over admiring someone, over respecting them. We are all human, filled with failings and certain ideas that are dented and perhaps even twisted and wrong. If we put someone above failing, not only will it make them fall all the farther and hit all the harder, it might just happen that they fall on us and we are crushed by it.

Respect is something that should be given freely to all. Admiration is a far more precious gift and should be doled out with moderation and deep consideration. Sometimes it also helps if we do happen to find ourselves giving admiration to someone who perhaps is not quite as deserving of it as we thought, that we keep the fact that we so admired them to ourselves until such a time that they might be greatly benefited by it.

I now have a gift, not yet wrapped, it is a very special gift because it is a story. And what make it so special is it happened to me. Though I must say, only one person will it benefit. I'm not sure if I'll ever be able to give it to that one person but I will write it and hope to present it to them when it might actually help them. Once I wrap it in words, I will set it aside in a corner of heaven where God will tell me when to give it.

Amy :) The Lord's Alone

He Know's Best, Whether We Like It or Not...

Every day I find a new fresh reason for God's request of me to give up the one friendship I might value most. And every day I feel as if that must be the very reason. Time after time I see that I was right or wrong and the reasons add up together. But then they must fight, with a certain vigor, against my heart that will occasionally decide to listen to no sense. It is obstinate and refuses to accept the wrongs as more substantial than the rights. But then, it is in the morning's clear fresh light that I see truth written in every wrong and only half hearted truth in every right.

The scales are weighted in a new light and the truth comes undeniably on God's side. I mean to say all of this in how my heart fought against God's Best judgment but all along still knowing at my very core that since it is from God it must be for the absolute best no matter what it looks from my closed perspective.

My mind as circled and circled the situation like a vulture circles their dieing meal. I have gone from wondering if it is from God, to feeling sure that it must be from him, to wondering why it's so bad for me, to feeling that it is good for me whether it is fully from him or not, to feeling that no matter what the things I lose, good or bad, it is God asking me to give it up so I will do it regardless, to feeling that He must have a purpose in it.

And then my mind gets back to wondering if it is from God and so on. If you haven't already noticed, the song by Relient K, Over Thinking, is very applicable to me XD.

All this comes from a situation in my life where someone, without having the slightest idea of it, has much more power and sway over my mind then I would have anyone other than God possess. I am glad that I will be going to the US for a month or two because perhaps it will clear my head and heart so I might be more firmly rooted in The Rock of my Salvation. So that whenever rivers flood their banks and waves come to wash over me with all the power and strength of a full blown storm I will be unmoved, so deeply rooted will my heart, mind, soul, be in the truths and convictions given me to carry out to the fullest of my ability.

I know that someday I will meet the one man who I can trust with my heart fully. Someone who will, with Godly judgment, a like deep love and close following after Jesus, and as steady firm convictions as I have, lead me and guide me through life into the greater Glory beyond.

I understand, at last, why I shouldn't try and gain a friendship at the moment. No matter how compatible our likes and dislikes, I do not have full control of my convictions and heart and therefore am not ready to see opinions of others and decide for myself what is right. At the moment I would be more inclined to sway to their position, whatever it is, then to form my own based on the word of God, or to maintain my already developed one.

I know one argument has risen to my mind time and time again and now it finally loses all it's weight. I finally picked it up and found that although it looked like a lead weight it was no more than Styrofoam. I kept wondering if it were possible that I might have a positive effect such a person. I thought--ugh but it's too silly and rather foolish to describe how much I thought I might be able to have an influence. Such comes from my vain conceit and overestimating of my ability to control not only my own heart, but my words in such a convincing way.

All in all what I've learned:

The Lord is always right, even when I don't want to admit or accept it (hopefully only at first).

Your Foolish Hearted Thinker,
Signing off.

Your's (The Lord's) )Truly!(.
Amy