That's the question I've been asking myself lately. I mean, what is it that qualifies one to be considered a good writer? I practically just drip my thoughts all over a page in typed letters, and sometimes they come out making sense and other times they're a total mess. I just wonder how you become a good writer. What develops the quality?
I know a big part of it must be simple practice, but is there something more? Is the only way to improve is if I keep challenging myself to write new and stretching things? I don't know. All I know is that when I try and write something brilliant and make it as perfect as I possibly can I get a few scratched up words that don't sound at all natural. Writer's block is like a sheet of ice between me and the keyboard. I can't make anything sound right.
Then I look at these wonderfully written articles and I wonder where they get the words and the strength to put it down on paper in such a great way. I see all the pressure they must be under to get something good out and I really wonder how they stand up to it.
Perhaps I just have a fear of writing. A fear of not measuring up to my dream and that's what inhibits me. I wonder almost every day if I have what it takes to be a writer. I'm realizing more and more how much courage and strength is needed to step forward and curl your hand around the pen that will shape your future. I want to know if I have what it takes! I long to understand what gift I have been given by God. What part did he give me and what part do I have to work at with fierce determination to reach. Do I really have what it takes to write?
I feel a fire inside that burns with longing. I want to understand. I want to learn. I want to find out if this is really what God wants me to be. It's like a song I know goes. A sea of insecurity rages inside of me. Can I take the challenge of writing a novel into my hands and really make it a reality? And after that will it be of enough quality to be enjoyed by others?
I want to know! Is everything I've been dreaming about for so long a simple fancy? Writing seems far more difficult than so many other professions. It seems to take twice as much courage and four times as much determination. There are so many people out there trying to make a mark on the world and yet few make it very far. Thousands upon thousands of people dream the same dream I have since I was little, but how many succeed?
I only must be certain that this is the call of God on my life and then I will have something much greater on my side than most of those people. I will have a loving, caring God who knows what is best for me far better than I know myself. I don't know if I can write. I don't know if I have what it takes. But I do know that God will always be on my side.
It's just that ever since I started reading books about writing (a favorite former hobby) I kept seeing two things that rather bugged me. One, all these writers began when they were so young. They started writing at ages 7, 9, 10, 12. And I don't mean writing in the sense that they occasionally wrote a little ditty. These were the ages they began to journal and journal quite frequently.
In my heart and mind I struggled to begin to journal. I knew I needed to write because of number two, they're one always common advice was, practice, practice, practice! In other words, write, write, write! Only now do I begin a blog in earnest and I hope I can get back into fictional writing.
Therein lies my heart. I have a story to tell. A story that takes place in a world very near to my heart and yet very far from this earth. I don't believe I can ever measure up to the great Authors of the world, C.S. Lewis, JRR Tolkien, but I do believe I have something to offer the world.
My one hope that keeps me holding onto my dreams, is the desire that rises in me on a rare occasion to write and write with a fury of inspiration. I want to put so much emotion into what I write. I believe writing is like any other art. It takes someone brave and at the same one someone who is willing to express their deepest feelings in a way that can express what others don't have the words to say.
I need to go do school now so I'm just going to post this up. Sorry haven't been so artsy lately. I'll try and post some more colorful and artistic posts later.
Your's (The Lord's) )Truly!(.
Amy
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Friday, February 6, 2009
The Frivoloties of the Mind
What sorts of frivolities has your mind been indulging in lately? In this way I mean, what silly pointless and yet lovely things have you been thinking about? The things that are comparable to delectable little chocolates that are so tasty and yet so unhealthy if it makes up the constitution of your entire diet. I could begin to list all the different things that I consider to be frivolities but I won't for two reasons. My list would be too long, and it would make anyone who is lax with their imagination to despair of ever having a non frivolous thought.
written: 1/28/09 8:22 pm
Let me first begin by telling you that the above paragraph I wrote several days ago and decided not to continue because of the stuck up nature of the article. Now I return to it with a renewed vigor because I have just read the essay Life without Principle, by Henry David Thoreau. Now, I don't agree with everything he has to say the therein but it has both inspired me and challenged me.I would highly recommend to anyone to read his essay, because it makes us think and challenges us to clear our minds of simple purposeless thoughts and try delving into the greater riches of life. He doesn't approach it from a Christian perspective, but I believe that if he had it would have attained a much greater height of purpose then it did. Scoff me all you'd like, I'm no brilliant mind and am just expressing my opinion. I'm full of Thoreau right now so let me say, in the words of Thoreau:
One of the examples of a time when he delved into a deep topic, but missed the mark because of lack of perspective is this. (Remember all is simply in my own perspective and I'm just adding this to edit out all the I thinks that might make it sound a bit less presumptuous.)
Aaa..well..I cannot find the quote at the moment so if I do I'll post it back here but for now I'm moving on.
There are a lot of memorable and good lovely ideas in this essay. I'll just give you some quotes and my ideas.
When I first started reading this essay I read it silently and while lieing down in the early afternoon. That was a mistake. I hadn't the brainpower to process the ideas expressed and...I soon fell asleep. The next day when I tried to take it up around the same time as the day before I nearly fell asleep again! The appeal for this essay was draining away and my moral was dropping...Then my mom came in to join me and I ended up reading it to her. That helped a whole lot to read it out loud.
These last few days I have been feeling a bit down and out. I was having a hard time seeing any purpose or meaningfulness in my current life, mainly in the last few days. It's mostly to the credit of my laziness in not focusing on school work as much as I should. I didn't feel that my mind or body was being exercised anywhere near it's lowest potential.
Chatting became dull and uninteresting because it felt so pointless and without meaning. Conversations never getting deeper then what kind of livelihood do you plan on having once you're out of school. There wasn't a way of exchanging deeper concepts of life or discussing ideas...I am in search of that now. The lack of imagination in my conversations was getting to be very mundane.
Now, my advice to anyone who gets into the same rut I've been in is exactly what I did. It was hard to get started and I needed my mom to get me into it :), but once I was going I started getting into it. You have no idea how smart it makes you feel reading aloud the writings of someone who has a brilliant way with words and ideas and understanding them. Try it sometime.
After a page or two I hit upon the thought that made me start this post a while back. That's when my interest was sparked. I began this post before I read this essay and it was beginning along the lines of what he talks about in this essay. I barely touched the surface like a butterfly brushes it's wings on a leaf, but I did start something along the lines of this adept philosopher, and that's what stirred my excitement. Did I really start along the same train of thought?
He said:
Now, I do not pretend to fully understand this statement nor to claim I came to this conclusion. It was the frivolity that caught my interest and made me remember the way I had begun to write about it here. Along the line of the idleness of our daily chatter is this next quote that comes from a little farther down the page:
Isn't this so true sometimes? I have definitely felt this. If we arn't barely speaking about superficial surfaces of our lives such as how our day has been, the movies we watch, the music we listen to, and all other 'small talk' as it is labeled, then we speak of each other's feelings and heart issues in derogatory ways.
We stab each other in the back when we are left to discuss the actions and attitudes of those we know and often delight in turning against in malice once they are out of earshot. Honeyed words that they hear are the covering for our sometime cruel gossip. Ok, yes, I know I just went about in describing it in a dark and morbid way. This is not what I think my current friends are like, but I have had friends of this kind.
I don't fault them wholly for it though, I think in the past it has not always come out of an intent to hurt, though it does, and does intensely, but more out of an ignorance of the pain it can cause. An opening of the part of our mind subject to our fallen nature and the reason we cannot read each other's thoughts. They could be far too hurtful to know. In the privacy of our minds we sometimes think of others what we would never say. Yet sometimes before we truly learn the weight words can have, we let those evil fallen thoughts to slip out in words. Gossip. As the wise words of Proverbs put it:
As you can see I was swept away on a current of thought provoking ideas from Thoreau. I hope to do another post on him and even on the Frivolities of the mind but as night wanes and I grow weary I must get some sleep :). I hope someone will enjoy this. Once again...I'm developing a habit of just posting and not looking over it beforehand...I hope it is alright.
More Thoreau later. My dad is going to read this essay and we're going to discuss it :).
Your's (The Lord's) )Truly!(.
Amy
written: 1/28/09 8:22 pm
Let me first begin by telling you that the above paragraph I wrote several days ago and decided not to continue because of the stuck up nature of the article. Now I return to it with a renewed vigor because I have just read the essay Life without Principle, by Henry David Thoreau. Now, I don't agree with everything he has to say the therein but it has both inspired me and challenged me.I would highly recommend to anyone to read his essay, because it makes us think and challenges us to clear our minds of simple purposeless thoughts and try delving into the greater riches of life. He doesn't approach it from a Christian perspective, but I believe that if he had it would have attained a much greater height of purpose then it did. Scoff me all you'd like, I'm no brilliant mind and am just expressing my opinion. I'm full of Thoreau right now so let me say, in the words of Thoreau:
I take it for granted, when I am invited to lecture anywhere, that the desire to hear what I think on some subject, though I may be the greatest fool in the country, --and not that I should say pleasant things merely, or such as the audience will assent to; and I resolve, accordingly, that I will give them a strong dose of myself. They have sent for me, and engaged to pay for me, and I am determined that they shall have me, though I bore them beyond all precedent.You are not paying for me nor is this a lecture, but since you are on my blog you are here at your own risk :). Leave whenever you feel inclined.
One of the examples of a time when he delved into a deep topic, but missed the mark because of lack of perspective is this. (Remember all is simply in my own perspective and I'm just adding this to edit out all the I thinks that might make it sound a bit less presumptuous.)
Aaa..well..I cannot find the quote at the moment so if I do I'll post it back here but for now I'm moving on.
There are a lot of memorable and good lovely ideas in this essay. I'll just give you some quotes and my ideas.
When I first started reading this essay I read it silently and while lieing down in the early afternoon. That was a mistake. I hadn't the brainpower to process the ideas expressed and...I soon fell asleep. The next day when I tried to take it up around the same time as the day before I nearly fell asleep again! The appeal for this essay was draining away and my moral was dropping...Then my mom came in to join me and I ended up reading it to her. That helped a whole lot to read it out loud.
These last few days I have been feeling a bit down and out. I was having a hard time seeing any purpose or meaningfulness in my current life, mainly in the last few days. It's mostly to the credit of my laziness in not focusing on school work as much as I should. I didn't feel that my mind or body was being exercised anywhere near it's lowest potential.
Chatting became dull and uninteresting because it felt so pointless and without meaning. Conversations never getting deeper then what kind of livelihood do you plan on having once you're out of school. There wasn't a way of exchanging deeper concepts of life or discussing ideas...I am in search of that now. The lack of imagination in my conversations was getting to be very mundane.
Now, my advice to anyone who gets into the same rut I've been in is exactly what I did. It was hard to get started and I needed my mom to get me into it :), but once I was going I started getting into it. You have no idea how smart it makes you feel reading aloud the writings of someone who has a brilliant way with words and ideas and understanding them. Try it sometime.
After a page or two I hit upon the thought that made me start this post a while back. That's when my interest was sparked. I began this post before I read this essay and it was beginning along the lines of what he talks about in this essay. I barely touched the surface like a butterfly brushes it's wings on a leaf, but I did start something along the lines of this adept philosopher, and that's what stirred my excitement. Did I really start along the same train of thought?
He said:
I often accuse my finest acquaintances of an immense frivolity; for, while there are manners and compliments we do not meet, we do not teach one another the lessons of honesty and sincerity that the brutes do, or of steadiness and solidity that the rocks do.
Now, I do not pretend to fully understand this statement nor to claim I came to this conclusion. It was the frivolity that caught my interest and made me remember the way I had begun to write about it here. Along the line of the idleness of our daily chatter is this next quote that comes from a little farther down the page:
Just so hollow and ineffectual, for the most part, is our ordinary conversation. Surface meets surface. When our life ceases to be inward and private, conversation degenerates into mere gossip.
Isn't this so true sometimes? I have definitely felt this. If we arn't barely speaking about superficial surfaces of our lives such as how our day has been, the movies we watch, the music we listen to, and all other 'small talk' as it is labeled, then we speak of each other's feelings and heart issues in derogatory ways.
We stab each other in the back when we are left to discuss the actions and attitudes of those we know and often delight in turning against in malice once they are out of earshot. Honeyed words that they hear are the covering for our sometime cruel gossip. Ok, yes, I know I just went about in describing it in a dark and morbid way. This is not what I think my current friends are like, but I have had friends of this kind.
I don't fault them wholly for it though, I think in the past it has not always come out of an intent to hurt, though it does, and does intensely, but more out of an ignorance of the pain it can cause. An opening of the part of our mind subject to our fallen nature and the reason we cannot read each other's thoughts. They could be far too hurtful to know. In the privacy of our minds we sometimes think of others what we would never say. Yet sometimes before we truly learn the weight words can have, we let those evil fallen thoughts to slip out in words. Gossip. As the wise words of Proverbs put it:
A perverse man stirs up dissension, and a gossip separates close friends.
As you can see I was swept away on a current of thought provoking ideas from Thoreau. I hope to do another post on him and even on the Frivolities of the mind but as night wanes and I grow weary I must get some sleep :). I hope someone will enjoy this. Once again...I'm developing a habit of just posting and not looking over it beforehand...I hope it is alright.
More Thoreau later. My dad is going to read this essay and we're going to discuss it :).
Your's (The Lord's) )Truly!(.
Amy
Thursday, February 5, 2009
Blah, Blah, Bleh, Blah
Hey look..there's a bleh in the middle of all those blahs...how exciting..! That's kinda what my life has been feeling like lately... Not really all that long. Just yesterday and today.
I know it's Really Late...
Ok really quick note. I just had a really really good and long talk with my best friend Eunice about everything. Yes it was about just about Everything! Great fun and now we're going to try and talk regularly. :D :D It's really great to have someone who listens to you! It's wonderful!
Goodnight. It's really late so that's why I'm not going to talk to you anymore.
P.S. I used to be feeling that tod-oops now it's yesterday :S - was an utter wasted and feeling like a trashed worthless day :( but now that I had a good refreshing talk with Eunice it's better.
Your's (The Lord's) )Truly!(.
Amy
Love you God!! Thank you sooo much for your faithfulness~~~~!!!
Goodnight. It's really late so that's why I'm not going to talk to you anymore.
P.S. I used to be feeling that tod-oops now it's yesterday :S - was an utter wasted and feeling like a trashed worthless day :( but now that I had a good refreshing talk with Eunice it's better.
Your's (The Lord's) )Truly!(.
Amy
Love you God!! Thank you sooo much for your faithfulness~~~~!!!
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Amazing Amusement with Apryl, to put it Aptly
I don't have much time as I should be off to begin my quest to finish the hardest part of my school, (the essay) but I will tell you a bit about what I've been up to lately with my friends.
Apryl came over last week, and we had a load of fun. Though I must say it had a not so pleasant but eventful beginning. Apryl came with her dad on his scooter (kinda a slimmer version of a motorbike..I guess..eheh I'm terrible with automobiles..) and they got into a small accident.
They were driving along, Uncle Aiman minding his business and paying attention to all the cars around him, when suddenly a car that was right next to him, within a few inches, started pulling over into the next lane. The guy in the car wasn't even paying attention. He didn't even look over out his side window or else he would have seen the motorbike. No blindspot here.
Anyway, on the whole, it was not Uncle Aiman's fault and thank God the only injuries were bruised fingers (from hitting the side view mirror) for Uncle Aiman, and a slightly scrapped leg for Apryl. Besides that, we had a great time together. Now we are almost done with reading Princess Bride aloud to each other. Only 2 more chapters to go! And while we were reading we were deciding what kind of thing we should memorize. There are mainly two long speeches in the book but we weren't sure which one to do.
We were thinking about doing her first one, which is an impassioned monologue where she professes her love to Wesley! It would do for a very comical one... Rather embarrassing but comical. Then we thought up all kinds of scenarios that we would use. (In a while I'll post this monologue for you to see how crazy it would be to memorize.)
We were thinking how crazy it would be if one of us were out on a date and came to an awkward pause, OH BOY, and then (lets say it's me cuz I need more guts to do it :P) I started pouring out the whole spiel in a crazy melodramatic way trying to make it sound almost sincere and making sure I don't pause long enough to let him break in or anything. HAHAHAHAH!!! ...It would have to be the right kind of guy....hehe. But it would do for a good laugh.
I'll have to come back and tell you more later.
Byee!
Your's (The Lord's) )Truly!(.
Amy
Apryl came over last week, and we had a load of fun. Though I must say it had a not so pleasant but eventful beginning. Apryl came with her dad on his scooter (kinda a slimmer version of a motorbike..I guess..eheh I'm terrible with automobiles..) and they got into a small accident.
They were driving along, Uncle Aiman minding his business and paying attention to all the cars around him, when suddenly a car that was right next to him, within a few inches, started pulling over into the next lane. The guy in the car wasn't even paying attention. He didn't even look over out his side window or else he would have seen the motorbike. No blindspot here.
Anyway, on the whole, it was not Uncle Aiman's fault and thank God the only injuries were bruised fingers (from hitting the side view mirror) for Uncle Aiman, and a slightly scrapped leg for Apryl. Besides that, we had a great time together. Now we are almost done with reading Princess Bride aloud to each other. Only 2 more chapters to go! And while we were reading we were deciding what kind of thing we should memorize. There are mainly two long speeches in the book but we weren't sure which one to do.
We were thinking about doing her first one, which is an impassioned monologue where she professes her love to Wesley! It would do for a very comical one... Rather embarrassing but comical. Then we thought up all kinds of scenarios that we would use. (In a while I'll post this monologue for you to see how crazy it would be to memorize.)
We were thinking how crazy it would be if one of us were out on a date and came to an awkward pause, OH BOY, and then (lets say it's me cuz I need more guts to do it :P) I started pouring out the whole spiel in a crazy melodramatic way trying to make it sound almost sincere and making sure I don't pause long enough to let him break in or anything. HAHAHAHAH!!! ...It would have to be the right kind of guy....hehe. But it would do for a good laugh.
I'll have to come back and tell you more later.
Byee!
Your's (The Lord's) )Truly!(.
Amy
Sunday, February 1, 2009
Things I'm Learning...and Downness...
I'm feeling really down at the moment. I think what this whole thing has been for me is a warning. More like several warnings. 1) If I don't save my work my carelessness can easily cost me a lot of pain. 2) I think this is a warning in a small way of what it will feel like if I don't finish the amount of the Nimi story that I need to get done before the time runs out.
I need HELP!!!
This year has been the most eventful year so far. In the first month I, 1) dislocated my kneecap, 2) had a portrait of a friend of mine thrown away (but that ended up being positively hilarious to me simply because of who threw it way...) 3) was given inspiration for a wonderful story, wrote SEVEN pages...and then had that story go down the drain because my MESSED UP laptop decided to shut down instead of going to sleep =.="'
I have a few more but I don't really want to put them up here.
Now I believe that there is a place in heaven where all our broken dreams, lost hopes, abandoned promises, buried treasures, forgotten adventures are waiting for us to go find out how much more beautiful they are there than they every could have become here. I'm in a sad mood...
The one thing I long for now is inspiration of the likes of last night. It isn't the time I spent on it I miss. It's the display of my inspiration that I miss and want back. It is my pride. As the saying goes my pride and joy. Isn't that interesting that we put those two things together? Sometimes the pride we have in things brings us joy. That's what I really lost. The fruit of my small labors and large inspiration. I lost the thing I would have loved to show off. I could have said the things i would love to share, but more than anything it was my pride that made me want to have something wonderful to show off to people.
Does this mean I should stop writing like that? NO. NO NO NOO. I need to press on and forge a way where all the paths that were easily transversed are now hidden beneith brush and snow and leaves and everything. I must forge ahead and it will make me a better person.
As we learned in DG this week. This is how I like to sum up the main point he wanted to get across to us. Procrastination is for Tomorrow, Perseverance is for Today. Or something like that. The idea he wanted to get across was that the small things we start doing now will help begin forming good habits that we can reap benefits in the future.
Another way he put it is this. Every time you put something off the harder it becomes to really start doing it, but then every time you do it 'now' the easier it will be to do it next time you need to. And every time you do it when you don't feel like it you gain a little more control on your habit and a little more self control.
These are thing I want. Oh and one other cool thing that is very encouraging to me. It takes up to 6 months to form a good habit. You may be thinking, 6 months?!?!?! how can that be encouraging?? but it is. I've tried doing things but never got into the habit. Now that I know what it would take to solidify a habit it might be easier to keep going because it's no longer a "forever" until I get the good habit, it now has a timeline.
This is the second post that I'm not going to even look over but just post. I hope you like it.
Amy
I need HELP!!!
This year has been the most eventful year so far. In the first month I, 1) dislocated my kneecap, 2) had a portrait of a friend of mine thrown away (but that ended up being positively hilarious to me simply because of who threw it way...) 3) was given inspiration for a wonderful story, wrote SEVEN pages...and then had that story go down the drain because my MESSED UP laptop decided to shut down instead of going to sleep =.="'
I have a few more but I don't really want to put them up here.
Now I believe that there is a place in heaven where all our broken dreams, lost hopes, abandoned promises, buried treasures, forgotten adventures are waiting for us to go find out how much more beautiful they are there than they every could have become here. I'm in a sad mood...
The one thing I long for now is inspiration of the likes of last night. It isn't the time I spent on it I miss. It's the display of my inspiration that I miss and want back. It is my pride. As the saying goes my pride and joy. Isn't that interesting that we put those two things together? Sometimes the pride we have in things brings us joy. That's what I really lost. The fruit of my small labors and large inspiration. I lost the thing I would have loved to show off. I could have said the things i would love to share, but more than anything it was my pride that made me want to have something wonderful to show off to people.
Does this mean I should stop writing like that? NO. NO NO NOO. I need to press on and forge a way where all the paths that were easily transversed are now hidden beneith brush and snow and leaves and everything. I must forge ahead and it will make me a better person.
As we learned in DG this week. This is how I like to sum up the main point he wanted to get across to us. Procrastination is for Tomorrow, Perseverance is for Today. Or something like that. The idea he wanted to get across was that the small things we start doing now will help begin forming good habits that we can reap benefits in the future.
Another way he put it is this. Every time you put something off the harder it becomes to really start doing it, but then every time you do it 'now' the easier it will be to do it next time you need to. And every time you do it when you don't feel like it you gain a little more control on your habit and a little more self control.
These are thing I want. Oh and one other cool thing that is very encouraging to me. It takes up to 6 months to form a good habit. You may be thinking, 6 months?!?!?! how can that be encouraging?? but it is. I've tried doing things but never got into the habit. Now that I know what it would take to solidify a habit it might be easier to keep going because it's no longer a "forever" until I get the good habit, it now has a timeline.
This is the second post that I'm not going to even look over but just post. I hope you like it.
Amy
My Mac turned off and Destroyed Four hours and 7 pages of work.
Right now I am in agony over what has just happened!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ARHEEEEEEEEEGGGGGG!!!! I don't know why I'm even writing but I wanted to tell you what it feels like to loose 4 good hours of work. especially when they worked so well!!! I was so happy!!! afjiaofheijaef [ef a af hiaf p[a ia ips[ I'm REALLY ANGRY AT MAC RIGHT NOW. HOW COULD THEY??? HOW COULD THEY FORGET THE MOST BASIC OF BASIC FEATURES IN THEY'RE--
Long pause where I am a bit hysterical in my room going from weeping to tearing at my hair to getting my frustration out at myself, the Apple company, and my computer. Now I am not exactly calm but in a dark determined despairing.
It's amazing how something that I didn't have the day before yesterday could pain me so much at the loss of it today. I've wasted hour after hour away on the computer doing worthless, pointless trash, and now I bemoan and morn for the four hours of inspired writing that I used last night. No, this is not the end. This is the beginning. I want there to be a thousand opportunities to morn and not one time that I will have to morn.
I now want caution to my my right hand and disciplined persistence to be be my left hand along with the figurtive pen I will use to create beautiful masterpieces of writing. Fiction and Non fiction, Poetry, Drama, EVERYTHING. Inspired or dry I will persist. I must for I have no other choice. No I go to do just that.
Long pause where I am a bit hysterical in my room going from weeping to tearing at my hair to getting my frustration out at myself, the Apple company, and my computer. Now I am not exactly calm but in a dark determined despairing.
It's amazing how something that I didn't have the day before yesterday could pain me so much at the loss of it today. I've wasted hour after hour away on the computer doing worthless, pointless trash, and now I bemoan and morn for the four hours of inspired writing that I used last night. No, this is not the end. This is the beginning. I want there to be a thousand opportunities to morn and not one time that I will have to morn.
I now want caution to my my right hand and disciplined persistence to be be my left hand along with the figurtive pen I will use to create beautiful masterpieces of writing. Fiction and Non fiction, Poetry, Drama, EVERYTHING. Inspired or dry I will persist. I must for I have no other choice. No I go to do just that.
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