He Know's Best, Whether We Like It or Not...

Every day I find a new fresh reason for God's request of me to give up the one friendship I might value most. And every day I feel as if that must be the very reason. Time after time I see that I was right or wrong and the reasons add up together. But then they must fight, with a certain vigor, against my heart that will occasionally decide to listen to no sense. It is obstinate and refuses to accept the wrongs as more substantial than the rights. But then, it is in the morning's clear fresh light that I see truth written in every wrong and only half hearted truth in every right.

The scales are weighted in a new light and the truth comes undeniably on God's side. I mean to say all of this in how my heart fought against God's Best judgment but all along still knowing at my very core that since it is from God it must be for the absolute best no matter what it looks from my closed perspective.

My mind as circled and circled the situation like a vulture circles their dieing meal. I have gone from wondering if it is from God, to feeling sure that it must be from him, to wondering why it's so bad for me, to feeling that it is good for me whether it is fully from him or not, to feeling that no matter what the things I lose, good or bad, it is God asking me to give it up so I will do it regardless, to feeling that He must have a purpose in it.

And then my mind gets back to wondering if it is from God and so on. If you haven't already noticed, the song by Relient K, Over Thinking, is very applicable to me XD.

All this comes from a situation in my life where someone, without having the slightest idea of it, has much more power and sway over my mind then I would have anyone other than God possess. I am glad that I will be going to the US for a month or two because perhaps it will clear my head and heart so I might be more firmly rooted in The Rock of my Salvation. So that whenever rivers flood their banks and waves come to wash over me with all the power and strength of a full blown storm I will be unmoved, so deeply rooted will my heart, mind, soul, be in the truths and convictions given me to carry out to the fullest of my ability.

I know that someday I will meet the one man who I can trust with my heart fully. Someone who will, with Godly judgment, a like deep love and close following after Jesus, and as steady firm convictions as I have, lead me and guide me through life into the greater Glory beyond.

I understand, at last, why I shouldn't try and gain a friendship at the moment. No matter how compatible our likes and dislikes, I do not have full control of my convictions and heart and therefore am not ready to see opinions of others and decide for myself what is right. At the moment I would be more inclined to sway to their position, whatever it is, then to form my own based on the word of God, or to maintain my already developed one.

I know one argument has risen to my mind time and time again and now it finally loses all it's weight. I finally picked it up and found that although it looked like a lead weight it was no more than Styrofoam. I kept wondering if it were possible that I might have a positive effect such a person. I thought--ugh but it's too silly and rather foolish to describe how much I thought I might be able to have an influence. Such comes from my vain conceit and overestimating of my ability to control not only my own heart, but my words in such a convincing way.

All in all what I've learned:

The Lord is always right, even when I don't want to admit or accept it (hopefully only at first).

Your Foolish Hearted Thinker,
Signing off.

Your's (The Lord's) )Truly!(.
Amy