As I was going through a lot of my posts I noticed a similar theme through it all. Something I know isn't right. When I get close to heart issues I cut myself down and tear my own character to pieces. This is NOT humility. It's lack of self esteem and I'm learning that it makes God's heart ache over me when I do it.
He loves me and doesn't want me to see myself as so inadequate, weak, and unworthy. He didn't create me that way and wants to show to me more and more each day the way he sees me and the way he made me to be. The more you believe something to be true the more likely it will come true. I am beautiful. I know. Not in pride, but in fact. He made me that way :).
If you want more on this topic, I've written a longer segment on it and just say something in reply to this post.
God is My Precious Treasure,
Amy
Precious Treasure of God. :)
Friday, July 31, 2009
Old Drafts, Newly Posted!
I started going through my old drafts and finding ones I wanted posted. Here they are. For one reason or another I wasn't happy with them at the time so I didn't post them. Either they weren't complete or cut too close to the heart in any event. I've posted them up and here they are:
The 'Duh' Moments of Life
The 'Duh' Moments of Life
Words of Another to Fill for my Own Lack
Skittish Mind of Mine
Music! Musique! Musik! Música!
Life is Life and I am Laughing
I don't want a Relationship, I want a Friend.
Stepping Stones to Godliness in my Heart
He Know's Best, Whether We Like It or Not...
There you go :). I hope some of them are ok.Friday, June 26, 2009
Disk Golf, Lost, Found, Family, and Friends
It being the 26th of June I am begining to see the error of my ways by not writing and am trying to start being the writer I pray God has made me to be. Through HARD work and CHALLENGES I hope to make it all the way...
It is 1:41 in the morning here and I must go to bed. First though, I must tell you about yesterday. I started the day with a strange dream about living at my Aunt Ruth's house on the bottom of a sloping green mountain that was climbable but very steep. I was with all my cousins and we climbed the hill/mountain in search for a good place to go for a nice walk in the forest. The way to get to which was on a highway at the bottom of the hill. Anyway, we climbed and I didn't look back because I am scared of heights. When we got to the top I almost went over a ridge before I realized it was actually a straight cliff drop to where I wanted to go. The forest was faaarr far away below.
At the top I think we were going to go down the side of the cliff. Anyway there was a contraption my uncle was using to check our healthiness. I was rather worried because I was thinking about how much I'd been eating on this vacation and I'd probably gotten out of shape a bit and gained weight. I woke up before I could find out.
It was the strangest wakeup call I've ever gotten, that was undeniable. My dad and brother, Josh, were singing "Happy Birthday Not to you.". I was stirred out of my deep wondering sleep questioning, "Who's birthday is it then?" I was instantly summoned to breakfast and being fully clothed jumped out of bed and joined the family at the table upstairs at the Boys house :). (Yes the names of our hosts were the Boys.)
After a HUGE breakfast of amazingly good quality we made our way out the door to go have a family outing of Disk Golf. If you don't know what it is. Ask me. I needed to get something at the store before we went so Josh kindly took me there first (No R2D2 it was not your Rolling Stones magazine. I have yet to get that :P :)).
Because of our little excursion we didn't have directions to get to the place to play Disk Golf so we got thoroughly lost. I still enjoyed the time because it was spent with Josh, even if it was a getting-to-be-frustrated-and-currently-preoccupied Josh :). A moment spent with him is never a wasted moment.
We eventually got there (with help) and had a very enjoyable time playing the game. I enjoyed the romance of running through fields of grass in a long flowing skirt. (Girls you should try this sometime :).)
Skipping the time we spent at the bank, I got to see where Joshua works as well as meet his co-workers. Ducky being the most entertaining, fun, and memorable one :). I hung out there for a long while and then went to Barnes and Noble looking for said magazine-ahem :) saying all this cuz you're probably the first to read this :). Instead I found and read the first 60 pages of Miles to Go--Autobiography of Miley Cyrus :).
After watching some more Shrek at the Mac Store, I left with Josh for Fabric Depot, where my good friend Sarah McCarty works. We ooo'd and aaa'd over a lot of cloth and how it would make good fairy/nymph/elf costumes :). We are two peas in a pod really :). Then Sarah took me home to her house and we've been hanging out here since. I've enjoyed our conversations extremely much :). We talked about movies and friends and fears and crushes and all manner of wonderful things :).
Now it has gained time and I say adu at 2:12 AM. Goodnight all who care to read these ventures.
P.S. It's nice to have my possessions back, including my computer :).
Amy
Not Edited :)
It is 1:41 in the morning here and I must go to bed. First though, I must tell you about yesterday. I started the day with a strange dream about living at my Aunt Ruth's house on the bottom of a sloping green mountain that was climbable but very steep. I was with all my cousins and we climbed the hill/mountain in search for a good place to go for a nice walk in the forest. The way to get to which was on a highway at the bottom of the hill. Anyway, we climbed and I didn't look back because I am scared of heights. When we got to the top I almost went over a ridge before I realized it was actually a straight cliff drop to where I wanted to go. The forest was faaarr far away below.
At the top I think we were going to go down the side of the cliff. Anyway there was a contraption my uncle was using to check our healthiness. I was rather worried because I was thinking about how much I'd been eating on this vacation and I'd probably gotten out of shape a bit and gained weight. I woke up before I could find out.
It was the strangest wakeup call I've ever gotten, that was undeniable. My dad and brother, Josh, were singing "Happy Birthday Not to you.". I was stirred out of my deep wondering sleep questioning, "Who's birthday is it then?" I was instantly summoned to breakfast and being fully clothed jumped out of bed and joined the family at the table upstairs at the Boys house :). (Yes the names of our hosts were the Boys.)
After a HUGE breakfast of amazingly good quality we made our way out the door to go have a family outing of Disk Golf. If you don't know what it is. Ask me. I needed to get something at the store before we went so Josh kindly took me there first (No R2D2 it was not your Rolling Stones magazine. I have yet to get that :P :)).
Because of our little excursion we didn't have directions to get to the place to play Disk Golf so we got thoroughly lost. I still enjoyed the time because it was spent with Josh, even if it was a getting-to-be-frustrated-and-currently-preoccupied Josh :). A moment spent with him is never a wasted moment.
We eventually got there (with help) and had a very enjoyable time playing the game. I enjoyed the romance of running through fields of grass in a long flowing skirt. (Girls you should try this sometime :).)
Skipping the time we spent at the bank, I got to see where Joshua works as well as meet his co-workers. Ducky being the most entertaining, fun, and memorable one :). I hung out there for a long while and then went to Barnes and Noble looking for said magazine-ahem :) saying all this cuz you're probably the first to read this :). Instead I found and read the first 60 pages of Miles to Go--Autobiography of Miley Cyrus :).
After watching some more Shrek at the Mac Store, I left with Josh for Fabric Depot, where my good friend Sarah McCarty works. We ooo'd and aaa'd over a lot of cloth and how it would make good fairy/nymph/elf costumes :). We are two peas in a pod really :). Then Sarah took me home to her house and we've been hanging out here since. I've enjoyed our conversations extremely much :). We talked about movies and friends and fears and crushes and all manner of wonderful things :).
Now it has gained time and I say adu at 2:12 AM. Goodnight all who care to read these ventures.
P.S. It's nice to have my possessions back, including my computer :).
Amy
Not Edited :)
Monday, May 25, 2009
Leaving
Here I am my life has lacked involvement and I still don't write on this thing! I'm leaving for the US tomorrow so I wanted to write while I'm still in Malaysia. I hope to write a lot while I'm there but who knows.. I'll try!
Anyway, I've got stuff to finish getting ready before I leave so..bye!
Your's (The Lord's) )Truly!(.
Amy
Anyway, I've got stuff to finish getting ready before I leave so..bye!
Your's (The Lord's) )Truly!(.
Amy
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Words of Another to Fill for my Own Lack
Again life carries on and I leave you behind! My inspiration has been as low as my morale.
I know what's wrong the only problem is
my lack of drive and willingness to
accomplish what is necessary,
to return to who I'm supposed to be
in the dust
forever
Then forever pressing on, I'm pressing on. I'll put all my inhibitions aside
cause I think way too much on a one track mind
.
I gotta get away, get away from all of my mistakes.
I've been a liar and I'll never amount to
The kind of person you deserve to worship you
I can't deny this anymore, the facts ignored all done before
told myself what i need to hear
Putting so much stock
In all of this stuff
Live your life for those you love
And I so hate consequences
And running from you is what my best defense is.
I’m giving up on doing this alone now
Cause I’ve failed and I’m ready to be shown how
the beauty of grace is that it makes life not fair
Yeah, I'm not angry
And no, I'm not upset
Our concentration it contains a deadly flaw
our conversations change from words to blah, blah blah
and who I am hates who I've been
cause i struggle with forward motion
So rather than imply
Why don't you just verbalize
All the things that you're trying to say
I'm sorry for the person I became.
I'm sorry that it took so long for me to change.
It's taken me awhile
But this is what I've learned
I have not been abandoned, no I have not been
Deserted and I have not been forgotten
And I'm satisfied to realize you're all I'll ever need
And I know that I have been forgiven
And I just hope you can forgive me too
You looked into my life and never stopped
And you're thinking all my thoughts
Are so simple, but so beautiful
And you recite my words right back to me
Before I even speak
You let me know, I am understood
I'm getting into you
Because you got to me, in a way words can't describe
if i had one wish
The love you felt for me was more than
The love I'd wished for all this time
All these words are lyrics from songs that I love so don't mistake them as mine. :) Mostly from Relient K.
The kind of person you deserve to worship you
I can't deny this anymore, the facts ignored all done before
told myself what i need to hear
Putting so much stock
In all of this stuff
Live your life for those you love
And I so hate consequences
And running from you is what my best defense is.
I’m giving up on doing this alone now
Cause I’ve failed and I’m ready to be shown how
the beauty of grace is that it makes life not fair
Yeah, I'm not angry
And no, I'm not upset
Our concentration it contains a deadly flaw
our conversations change from words to blah, blah blah
and who I am hates who I've been
cause i struggle with forward motion
So rather than imply
Why don't you just verbalize
All the things that you're trying to say
I'm sorry for the person I became.
I'm sorry that it took so long for me to change.
It's taken me awhile
But this is what I've learned
I have not been abandoned, no I have not been
Deserted and I have not been forgotten
And I'm satisfied to realize you're all I'll ever need
And I know that I have been forgiven
And I just hope you can forgive me too
You looked into my life and never stopped
And you're thinking all my thoughts
Are so simple, but so beautiful
And you recite my words right back to me
Before I even speak
You let me know, I am understood
I'm getting into you
Because you got to me, in a way words can't describe
if i had one wish
The love you felt for me was more than
The love I'd wished for all this time
All these words are lyrics from songs that I love so don't mistake them as mine. :) Mostly from Relient K.
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Recent Events :) Star Trek!!
Man...I'm sorry I haven't written in SOOO long.. It's been a long while and I haven't felt like writting at all..
I mean come one what's wrong with me?? I've had some really great days I should have recorded and yet I didn't! I mean since I last wrote I've spent a ton of time with Apryl, I had my birthday, Mother's Day passed. I've been to Aquaria(how do you spell it?) with Jey/R2D2 and his Youth Group :). hahah!
Ooo you know what we did last weekend when I was over at Apryl's? Since your silent guessing would be pointless I'll just tell you hahah! We went to see Star Trek!! Yippee!! I wasn't a trekkie but I'm definitely on my way to becoming one hahaha :D. Greaaat movive all except one...ahem...dirty scene =.= have to go and ruin a perfectly good movie don't they?
If you haven't seen it yet then go and watch it :D. Since I spent that night at Apryl's house we stayed up really late (or shall I say not so early? hehe..) and talked for a couple hours. We figured out that it's not Kirk who's the main character of the movie...it's, for many reasons, Spock!
Yep, he's a lot in this one and I think he's a much cooler character than Kirk the ladies man xP. He's so...logical..no hahahah kidding, just sounds like the Vulcan thing to say haha. As for the rest of the movie I can't tell you anything cuz that just might ruin it for you! I think I'd probably give this one a 8 1/2 out of 10 :).
Well, let me now tell you a bit more about my time with Apryl. We went to the movie on Thursday (Opening Night!! haha Last time I did that was for Star Wars III) and got donuts at Big Apple afterwards :D (Note to self and anyone interested: never get donuts on a date =] haha!). After washing off the chocolate that got all over our hands and mouths, we left the Mines (that's where we were) and went to the apartment.
For some reason we decided we hadn't had enough TV yet and we settled down to finish watching an episode of American Idol haha :D. Uncle Aiman went to bed and we quietly took our stuff over to the other apartment that Apryl's family use and decided to be very spontaneous and crazy. Ah, the fun of being able to do nothing important and stay up super late because you know you can sleep in the next day. It's like eating dessert. Having it every once in a while is really tasty but to much of it is both sickening and makes you fat and sluggish XD.
We sank into the black couch and decided to watch a Bollywood movie. By now the time would probably have been somewhere around 11 PM. Yeah, I know what you're thinking. Bollywood?? Those shows last for around 3 hours don't they? Well, they do. We were just going to watch it until the intermission came. The only problem is that it never came. We were about 3/4ths of the way through when we figured that out and we just finished the movie.
If you do the math you probably realized what time it was by then. We still hadn't had enough for one night. We got all ready for bed and then talked for another couple hours before we turned out the lights and talked ourselves to sleep. *Sigh* What a day :). We slept in until 2 the next day (can't exactly say morning can I?) and I got up with a sense of extreme vacation. I haven't slept in that late for a very long time and it felt gooood.
I was thinking that only people who spend their time as if they're always half on vacation can have such a good time doing nothing more memorable then simple being together and building close friendships. At least it seemed that way for me in the past. Perhaps only extremes can get this way. Extremely worked out and stressed or Extremely lazy. Ok wait..I'm not calling my friend lazy! She's not. I am :) hehe..
Anywho..we watched the end of Braveheart that day and then they drove me home :). I'd better get going to do school now..hope you liked some of what I had to say..sorry I've been out of the knack a little and need some brushing up on my English and writing skills...
Adios!
Your's (The Lord's) )Truly!(.
Amy
I mean come one what's wrong with me?? I've had some really great days I should have recorded and yet I didn't! I mean since I last wrote I've spent a ton of time with Apryl, I had my birthday, Mother's Day passed. I've been to Aquaria(how do you spell it?) with Jey/R2D2 and his Youth Group :). hahah!
Ooo you know what we did last weekend when I was over at Apryl's? Since your silent guessing would be pointless I'll just tell you hahah! We went to see Star Trek!! Yippee!! I wasn't a trekkie but I'm definitely on my way to becoming one hahaha :D. Greaaat movive all except one...ahem...dirty scene =.= have to go and ruin a perfectly good movie don't they?
If you haven't seen it yet then go and watch it :D. Since I spent that night at Apryl's house we stayed up really late (or shall I say not so early? hehe..) and talked for a couple hours. We figured out that it's not Kirk who's the main character of the movie...it's, for many reasons, Spock!
Yep, he's a lot in this one and I think he's a much cooler character than Kirk the ladies man xP. He's so...logical..no hahahah kidding, just sounds like the Vulcan thing to say haha. As for the rest of the movie I can't tell you anything cuz that just might ruin it for you! I think I'd probably give this one a 8 1/2 out of 10 :).
Well, let me now tell you a bit more about my time with Apryl. We went to the movie on Thursday (Opening Night!! haha Last time I did that was for Star Wars III) and got donuts at Big Apple afterwards :D (Note to self and anyone interested: never get donuts on a date =] haha!). After washing off the chocolate that got all over our hands and mouths, we left the Mines (that's where we were) and went to the apartment.
For some reason we decided we hadn't had enough TV yet and we settled down to finish watching an episode of American Idol haha :D. Uncle Aiman went to bed and we quietly took our stuff over to the other apartment that Apryl's family use and decided to be very spontaneous and crazy. Ah, the fun of being able to do nothing important and stay up super late because you know you can sleep in the next day. It's like eating dessert. Having it every once in a while is really tasty but to much of it is both sickening and makes you fat and sluggish XD.
We sank into the black couch and decided to watch a Bollywood movie. By now the time would probably have been somewhere around 11 PM. Yeah, I know what you're thinking. Bollywood?? Those shows last for around 3 hours don't they? Well, they do. We were just going to watch it until the intermission came. The only problem is that it never came. We were about 3/4ths of the way through when we figured that out and we just finished the movie.
If you do the math you probably realized what time it was by then. We still hadn't had enough for one night. We got all ready for bed and then talked for another couple hours before we turned out the lights and talked ourselves to sleep. *Sigh* What a day :). We slept in until 2 the next day (can't exactly say morning can I?) and I got up with a sense of extreme vacation. I haven't slept in that late for a very long time and it felt gooood.
I was thinking that only people who spend their time as if they're always half on vacation can have such a good time doing nothing more memorable then simple being together and building close friendships. At least it seemed that way for me in the past. Perhaps only extremes can get this way. Extremely worked out and stressed or Extremely lazy. Ok wait..I'm not calling my friend lazy! She's not. I am :) hehe..
Anywho..we watched the end of Braveheart that day and then they drove me home :). I'd better get going to do school now..hope you liked some of what I had to say..sorry I've been out of the knack a little and need some brushing up on my English and writing skills...
Adios!
Your's (The Lord's) )Truly!(.
Amy
Thursday, April 30, 2009
I don't want a Relationship, I want a Friend.
If I were to explain this it would easily be explaining things that are my secrets :). I just stumbled upon this sentence late last night in the clarity of midnight stillness. It perfectly describes everything I've been going through over the past several months..oiy..I'm tired. And I should be doing other much more productive activities.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)