ARRGGG!!! When will I ever learn to write a spirited emotion filled post that is NOT about any particular person!!!!!! GRRRR I WANT EMOTION HERE. EMOTION PEOPLE.
Oh boy now it almost has a bit of my very small director side. I WANT TO YELL AND SCREAM AT YOU AND AT MYSELF. Note to self and everyone reading this post: You is refering to no one. Unless you want to consider me a lunatic with a split personality which I occasionally pertend to be...I have stopped being ashamed of who I am. This IS me. AND IF YOU CAN'T DEAL WITH THAT THEN IT'S YOUR LOSS...no lahh..
If you know me then you know that I'm not like that.. I was just trying it on for size XD. I would normally say that'd I'd try and change but that's wrong. Yes, I believe it's WRONG!! I'm not going to change my personality to suit the pet peeves of people just to feel accepted. I will do everything possible in my power to be a friend to them but I will not change my core.
My existence depends on becoming more the way God created me to be. NOT whatever the whims of my acquaintances and all those around me would have me be. What people think of me only matters as far as the verse from Paul says something along these lines (I can't remember where it is..need to find it XS):
I will be all things to all people.
Yeah well..that's probably not exactly the words but that's the just of it. He was referring to how we should be all things to all people. Anyway I need to be off now so I'll just get this posted!
haha, Whew! I just got a bunch of drafts out there onto my blog! Now my number of drafts is down to 31 instead of somewhere around 45 XD.
Your's (The Lord's) )Truly!(.
Amy
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Of Things Beyond My Comprehension...
Really, I don't know what magic is held in this hour of the night. Perhaps it is because of the Bible I half listen to as I try to get to sleep. Perhaps it is the fact that I try and find sleep. Whatever the case this is the hour that my mind is at it's height in the day. I cannot breath but I think and process my life as it is up to this hour.
And the more I think the faster my heart accelerates along the highway of interesting discourse. It finds it's way unwittingly into the most illuminating settings as seems to only be brought on by half sleep. I was thinking about my friends. I thought of how I could write an entire Essay on their virtues apiece. They, as everyone, I believe, have a complexity of mind and character to furnish an essay that distinguishes as quite amazing and beautiful creations in the sight of God. Pardon my formal manner of speaking, though I quite ruin any slight affect it might have had on you by mentioning it, but I have been recently influenced one of the most brilliant pieces of literature.
Pride and Prejudice is written in a way I highly admire and marvel at it's...it's attributes. Words fail me on this point for from the perspective of a prospective writer it contains some of the finest qualities of which a writer would proudly put their name to, that I would very much desire to imitate in such a fashion that would only be intended only as flattery. But seeing such amazing quality in her writing I am certain I could never come close to doing it justice and therefor would only do it harm and injustice if I were to even attempt her style.
That is the very reason I will fill my mind with good wholesome books such as her own and all the other dusty novels that have survived the ages and become immortal books that will not fade from our memories as they did not from those before us. But this is not the reason I was inclined upon to rouse myself and take up my Whitestag and begin my rambling.
Let me see, I was roused to write for the very purpose of recording one such strong emotion as should not be forgotten as it most probably would have been by the marrow. I have discovered two things, both of which are of utmost importance to my welfare, happiness, and purpose in life. As I lay tossing on my bed it came to me, I believe from the one in whom all good inspiration is found, that if I begin a new fresh start by fervently devoting my time in prayer and reading of the Word, then everything I see that is so displaced and altogether undisciplined and unorganized in my life would begin to right itself.
The second point soon followed along another tail of thought. It is this: that if I were to once learn how to become more like my Creator and God, my Savior, I would be able to live for others and thereby find fulfillment in giving pleasure and comfort to all those who surround me. I see that living a life entirely devoted to the benefit of others is the best way to live and also the most satisfying and gratifying way of pleasing the only one to whom we should do anything.
That in essence, living for others does not equal sin and is actually the very fundamental of all those who have lived and died Godly men and woman with a zeal for eternal gain. And the only thing to prevent perfect happiness achieved by living for everyone but yourselves is that very personage who to the very core is of fallen in nature. For we have all fallen to the temptations of the world because we came from the world and have once been captive to the king of sin, the Devil himself.
Until that beautiful day when Jesus rose in great triumph over the grave that claimed him for three days, we were under the evil ones power. But on that day we were given the choice to be set free and no longer be chained to evil depravity, debauchery, and all other detestable things which dragged us through the sludge and slime of the earth. For we did not really realize any evil in our actions until the law revealed it to us.
Then once our conscience was awakened, if not seared, what kind of true joy could we find in all such unprofitable acts of our sinful natures. So now we have a choice, where before none existed. That we can be cleansed is in itself a miracle of grace and mercy from the One who we owe everything. Is it not the noblest and most lovely of things to imitate him in every attribute?
Tell me if my heart speaks foolishly, but is it not the greatest thing to be able to live and walk as he did, in the very likeness of a servant? But of course the whole world protests. Our very own hearts, which deceive us and wish to steal away our true joy, shudder away and want nothing to do with such a way of living.
And that is were the struggle lies. Our flesh and selfish evil nature claws at us, digging it's blackened claws into our sides and choking our resolve from once so happily steadfast hearts. That is where all the pain and the suffering and harship and bearing of the cross come from. Our cursed fallen nature is the reason we must live a fight and find it so hard to lead a life according to the ways of God.
I believe God tried to make it clear to us how hard it is. And many of the things we see as being the most difficult thing in the world is actually the best thing in the world. One such as Romans chapter 12 where it talks about presenting ourselves as living sacrifices on the alter and daily laying down our lives in essence our human nature and everything that pastes the words me, myself, and I to it.
If only we could actually get past that. Then we might have a chance of really following the Lord. If we were totally selfess then we wouldn't have any of the pain and struggle that is the lot of everyone on this earth. Either you your way fight with pain and suffering to the Godly road or you slip into the pit of hell where pain and suffering is eternal. Is it not better to suffer unbearable pain here and now for a mere instant than to live in eternal overpowering wretchedness?
But this is our nature. Our so terrible fallen nature. To fall so short and
Oh there are not words to describe hell! It being the most unimaginable place of horror. And yet we do not look into that pit enough because we prefer to forget what lies so far away in the indeterminable future. We let people around us fall daily into that terrible pit that we so deserve and cannot but turn away our hearts from the grief and the pain for it is too great to bear. A burden carried to the cross that was equal to all the justice we deserve in hell. He gave us a grace that is everlasting and passing of all understanding! How long will we keep it for ourselves? How long will the devil keep close guard on our tongues and minds filling them with uncertainty and doubt to make certain that if he cannot have us rot away in his kingdom of damnation at least we will not be able to bring any others into the understanding of God's truth and Love.
Now at last it is clear, if only for one breif moment that will last no longer then a lighting rod. We are so deserving of hell. That is the terrible awful truth. But we have a God of justice and yet more of mercy and grace. How can we keep this from others? How can we let them sit in darkness refusing to see the light when what we know will send them into an eternal darkness with no return, no more chances and the end of joy for ever. How can this not be expressed enough? And how many sit in darkness who sit in pews and believe themselves on the way to heaven? How many have been deceived by their own 'righteousness'.
There are not words in this primitive language and my even more limited vocabulary to describe hell. Just as equally there are not even wordless things in this world to begin to give any faded diluted vision of the perfection of Heaven. They are so vastly, so eternally different at the very opposite of everything with no place in between for waffling.
Can that not help us to see the importance of reaching those who have not even been told of the existence of either? Or know of both but are deceived in thinking they can get to one when they on the straight path to the other?
I don't know how God can use me or why he even created me to be a part of such a world. But there is an urgency that cannot be seen or expressed properly but only felt and given by God to those who are curious in the least bit to discover the purpose to this world. Last night I asked question after question and found myself slipping into a blazay gray fog of confusion and apethy.
And now my eyes are opened to understanding and before me I see the leaping heights of a blazing inferno filled with all the punishment and wretched misery of the utterly forsaken and hopelessly unforgiven. The shrieks of freakish terror at seeing God, their creator turning his back upon them echo forever into the void and they are forgotten. Forever.
When I was but a little younger and of slightly more innocent less touched heart and mind I saw the slightest glimpse of hell and it made me squirm and thrash at the utter terror and aweful evilness of it. And I would scream out to God at the injustice of it. How could a God who professes his love to us give us over to such a place? Even if his tears did flood the earth because of it. How could he? But then, or now I should say, (please understand I do not profess to know these things and this is all a weak understanding from my frail and young mind) I see, or more feel, also before me the true extent of our fallen wicked nature filled, covered and consumed with every sort of evil. We deformed, distorted, warped, twisted, mangled and disfigured ourselves to the point that we were no longer of God. We took all that God created, which is everything, and discarded it for a despicable void that God could not distinguish as anything He created or made. And in his perfection and infinite unimaginable holy, righteous, pure, good, glorious character of unfathomable, unchangeable justice he could not touch us because he had given us a choice to leave him.
Is that not the root of everything? In God's Love he gave us a choice so that we would be more then just slave-like robots without any true affection or love. That our choice to love him would be worth something. But there had to be an alternate choice, and that of death and destruction. And everything we see, everthing within us that argues against the wonderful unarguable goodness and greatness of God come from the devil who we gave dominion over the world and has changed it into a most terrible place. A place unfit for eternity. A place with so many flaws and half voids or half truths as we call them.
That sin being the reverse of something and not previously existing was so the opposite of everything that was whole and true that it became something tangible and real just as a vacuum is real even though it is only the absence of anything. Therefor this void became as tangible as a solid black diamond that separates us from God that something stronger even than death had to be willing to give by death, life to all who were behind this separation.
And then on the other hand I see before me a place that is not just one scene but all scene's of beauty and loveliness. A blazing Glory of all the most beautiful sunsets and sunrises with more hues then the human eye can conceive letting it's full force flow out across a forest that made it seem all the brighter by the way each tree's leaves turned the light this way and that to display it to all it's best advantages. And nowhere could you look but be consumed by a breathtaking view. Even the sight of the smallest butterfly floating across the scene held all the secrets of beauty the world has ever wished to posses.
(Raw words nothing edited I'm must apologize for that but this is my free grounds..soo..whatever la. XD)
Your's (The Lord's) )Truly!(.
Amy
And the more I think the faster my heart accelerates along the highway of interesting discourse. It finds it's way unwittingly into the most illuminating settings as seems to only be brought on by half sleep. I was thinking about my friends. I thought of how I could write an entire Essay on their virtues apiece. They, as everyone, I believe, have a complexity of mind and character to furnish an essay that distinguishes as quite amazing and beautiful creations in the sight of God. Pardon my formal manner of speaking, though I quite ruin any slight affect it might have had on you by mentioning it, but I have been recently influenced one of the most brilliant pieces of literature.
Pride and Prejudice is written in a way I highly admire and marvel at it's...it's attributes. Words fail me on this point for from the perspective of a prospective writer it contains some of the finest qualities of which a writer would proudly put their name to, that I would very much desire to imitate in such a fashion that would only be intended only as flattery. But seeing such amazing quality in her writing I am certain I could never come close to doing it justice and therefor would only do it harm and injustice if I were to even attempt her style.
That is the very reason I will fill my mind with good wholesome books such as her own and all the other dusty novels that have survived the ages and become immortal books that will not fade from our memories as they did not from those before us. But this is not the reason I was inclined upon to rouse myself and take up my Whitestag and begin my rambling.
Let me see, I was roused to write for the very purpose of recording one such strong emotion as should not be forgotten as it most probably would have been by the marrow. I have discovered two things, both of which are of utmost importance to my welfare, happiness, and purpose in life. As I lay tossing on my bed it came to me, I believe from the one in whom all good inspiration is found, that if I begin a new fresh start by fervently devoting my time in prayer and reading of the Word, then everything I see that is so displaced and altogether undisciplined and unorganized in my life would begin to right itself.
The second point soon followed along another tail of thought. It is this: that if I were to once learn how to become more like my Creator and God, my Savior, I would be able to live for others and thereby find fulfillment in giving pleasure and comfort to all those who surround me. I see that living a life entirely devoted to the benefit of others is the best way to live and also the most satisfying and gratifying way of pleasing the only one to whom we should do anything.
That in essence, living for others does not equal sin and is actually the very fundamental of all those who have lived and died Godly men and woman with a zeal for eternal gain. And the only thing to prevent perfect happiness achieved by living for everyone but yourselves is that very personage who to the very core is of fallen in nature. For we have all fallen to the temptations of the world because we came from the world and have once been captive to the king of sin, the Devil himself.
Until that beautiful day when Jesus rose in great triumph over the grave that claimed him for three days, we were under the evil ones power. But on that day we were given the choice to be set free and no longer be chained to evil depravity, debauchery, and all other detestable things which dragged us through the sludge and slime of the earth. For we did not really realize any evil in our actions until the law revealed it to us.
Then once our conscience was awakened, if not seared, what kind of true joy could we find in all such unprofitable acts of our sinful natures. So now we have a choice, where before none existed. That we can be cleansed is in itself a miracle of grace and mercy from the One who we owe everything. Is it not the noblest and most lovely of things to imitate him in every attribute?
Tell me if my heart speaks foolishly, but is it not the greatest thing to be able to live and walk as he did, in the very likeness of a servant? But of course the whole world protests. Our very own hearts, which deceive us and wish to steal away our true joy, shudder away and want nothing to do with such a way of living.
And that is were the struggle lies. Our flesh and selfish evil nature claws at us, digging it's blackened claws into our sides and choking our resolve from once so happily steadfast hearts. That is where all the pain and the suffering and harship and bearing of the cross come from. Our cursed fallen nature is the reason we must live a fight and find it so hard to lead a life according to the ways of God.
I believe God tried to make it clear to us how hard it is. And many of the things we see as being the most difficult thing in the world is actually the best thing in the world. One such as Romans chapter 12 where it talks about presenting ourselves as living sacrifices on the alter and daily laying down our lives in essence our human nature and everything that pastes the words me, myself, and I to it.
If only we could actually get past that. Then we might have a chance of really following the Lord. If we were totally selfess then we wouldn't have any of the pain and struggle that is the lot of everyone on this earth. Either you your way fight with pain and suffering to the Godly road or you slip into the pit of hell where pain and suffering is eternal. Is it not better to suffer unbearable pain here and now for a mere instant than to live in eternal overpowering wretchedness?
But this is our nature. Our so terrible fallen nature. To fall so short and
Oh there are not words to describe hell! It being the most unimaginable place of horror. And yet we do not look into that pit enough because we prefer to forget what lies so far away in the indeterminable future. We let people around us fall daily into that terrible pit that we so deserve and cannot but turn away our hearts from the grief and the pain for it is too great to bear. A burden carried to the cross that was equal to all the justice we deserve in hell. He gave us a grace that is everlasting and passing of all understanding! How long will we keep it for ourselves? How long will the devil keep close guard on our tongues and minds filling them with uncertainty and doubt to make certain that if he cannot have us rot away in his kingdom of damnation at least we will not be able to bring any others into the understanding of God's truth and Love.
Now at last it is clear, if only for one breif moment that will last no longer then a lighting rod. We are so deserving of hell. That is the terrible awful truth. But we have a God of justice and yet more of mercy and grace. How can we keep this from others? How can we let them sit in darkness refusing to see the light when what we know will send them into an eternal darkness with no return, no more chances and the end of joy for ever. How can this not be expressed enough? And how many sit in darkness who sit in pews and believe themselves on the way to heaven? How many have been deceived by their own 'righteousness'.
There are not words in this primitive language and my even more limited vocabulary to describe hell. Just as equally there are not even wordless things in this world to begin to give any faded diluted vision of the perfection of Heaven. They are so vastly, so eternally different at the very opposite of everything with no place in between for waffling.
Can that not help us to see the importance of reaching those who have not even been told of the existence of either? Or know of both but are deceived in thinking they can get to one when they on the straight path to the other?
I don't know how God can use me or why he even created me to be a part of such a world. But there is an urgency that cannot be seen or expressed properly but only felt and given by God to those who are curious in the least bit to discover the purpose to this world. Last night I asked question after question and found myself slipping into a blazay gray fog of confusion and apethy.
And now my eyes are opened to understanding and before me I see the leaping heights of a blazing inferno filled with all the punishment and wretched misery of the utterly forsaken and hopelessly unforgiven. The shrieks of freakish terror at seeing God, their creator turning his back upon them echo forever into the void and they are forgotten. Forever.
When I was but a little younger and of slightly more innocent less touched heart and mind I saw the slightest glimpse of hell and it made me squirm and thrash at the utter terror and aweful evilness of it. And I would scream out to God at the injustice of it. How could a God who professes his love to us give us over to such a place? Even if his tears did flood the earth because of it. How could he? But then, or now I should say, (please understand I do not profess to know these things and this is all a weak understanding from my frail and young mind) I see, or more feel, also before me the true extent of our fallen wicked nature filled, covered and consumed with every sort of evil. We deformed, distorted, warped, twisted, mangled and disfigured ourselves to the point that we were no longer of God. We took all that God created, which is everything, and discarded it for a despicable void that God could not distinguish as anything He created or made. And in his perfection and infinite unimaginable holy, righteous, pure, good, glorious character of unfathomable, unchangeable justice he could not touch us because he had given us a choice to leave him.
Is that not the root of everything? In God's Love he gave us a choice so that we would be more then just slave-like robots without any true affection or love. That our choice to love him would be worth something. But there had to be an alternate choice, and that of death and destruction. And everything we see, everthing within us that argues against the wonderful unarguable goodness and greatness of God come from the devil who we gave dominion over the world and has changed it into a most terrible place. A place unfit for eternity. A place with so many flaws and half voids or half truths as we call them.
That sin being the reverse of something and not previously existing was so the opposite of everything that was whole and true that it became something tangible and real just as a vacuum is real even though it is only the absence of anything. Therefor this void became as tangible as a solid black diamond that separates us from God that something stronger even than death had to be willing to give by death, life to all who were behind this separation.
And then on the other hand I see before me a place that is not just one scene but all scene's of beauty and loveliness. A blazing Glory of all the most beautiful sunsets and sunrises with more hues then the human eye can conceive letting it's full force flow out across a forest that made it seem all the brighter by the way each tree's leaves turned the light this way and that to display it to all it's best advantages. And nowhere could you look but be consumed by a breathtaking view. Even the sight of the smallest butterfly floating across the scene held all the secrets of beauty the world has ever wished to posses.
(Raw words nothing edited I'm must apologize for that but this is my free grounds..soo..whatever la. XD)
Your's (The Lord's) )Truly!(.
Amy
Friday, March 27, 2009
What I will say, My Mind Leaves Me No Rest
I know someday I will forget all that is so important to me now. The friends I consider so valuable. The people I feel so close too. The ones I long to know better. The home I have here in Malaysia. Everything that is so dear to my heart and mind now will fade into no more then the few pinpoints of light made by pictures and stories.
My heart will not be remembered. Nor will everything I always wanted to say but never knew how to express. I don't know how to live this moment to the fullest. But I want to learn.
How can you miss something that you perfected by experiencing? Perhaps that is the way to avoid regret for not remembering the past. If you try and make the absolute most of every moment then you won't need to try and improve it in the future by reminiscence.
Only to leave it untouched like a delicate butterfly to enjoy once and never regret not knowing what it was. Or perhaps our longing to remember comes from our longing to be remembered which comes from a desire to belong.
How can I know? I'm but a young 16 year old who longs for wisdom and living life to the fullest. I want to glorify God with my life. And learn how to avoid regret. And learn what my purpose is in this present time that I might fulfill it. That is what I long for. Understanding.
I suppose there is also somewhere deep inside me a longing to be acknowledged and a girl with a mind. One that had more depth then the simple skin deep picture the world plasters upon us. That is why I want to see deeper into things then what just anyone can see. I long to understand the way things are supposed to work. And learn a way to try and help them work that way.
I am inspired by one person to write and write and write. I can't say what this means because I myself don't know. It is late and my mind is still whirling. Every time I turn out the lights and close my eyes a new thought flashes across my consciousness and I can't seem to stop writing. So I continue in the hope that something I write will be worth it.
Do I entertain you? Yes I know, there is nothing new under the sun. It is just that we must find those things that have not been out in the sun for a long enough time that they have been forgotten. Therefore they seem new and exciting.
I will keep asking questions in hopes that one day I will stumble upon an answer only to begin uncovering hidden truths and answers all over the place. In other words, my pursuit of knowledge and wisdom will hopefully lead me to them.
If not a word I have said makes any sense to you please read my disclaimer. Thoreau had the right idea when he said those words. I know the tangled fashion in which I write is rather dull or confusing. Perhaps someday I will find something really beautiful and then I'll share my excitement with you.
I will enter a world of the most brilliantly colored thoughts and illustrations, and I will share that with you. Is not good wholesome entertainment what I should try and attain. Give me a purpose and a longing to pursue it and I'll stop asking circular questions and be satisfied to chase after it with all my heart, soul, mind, and body; in essence everything in my being. This being God I need only the deep longing to pursue it.
He promises:
I will give you the desires of your heart.
What a most beautiful two folded promise. It is in itself everything! He first promises to fill our heart with dreams, longings, and good desires, and then turns around and fulfills them!
I must be off to bed as my body will turn into mush if I don't get some sleep even if my mind continues working. I pray this will not be the last time I am filled with inspiration.
Goodnight and Fair the Well!
Your's (The Lord's) )Truly!(.
Amy
My heart will not be remembered. Nor will everything I always wanted to say but never knew how to express. I don't know how to live this moment to the fullest. But I want to learn.
How can you miss something that you perfected by experiencing? Perhaps that is the way to avoid regret for not remembering the past. If you try and make the absolute most of every moment then you won't need to try and improve it in the future by reminiscence.
Only to leave it untouched like a delicate butterfly to enjoy once and never regret not knowing what it was. Or perhaps our longing to remember comes from our longing to be remembered which comes from a desire to belong.
How can I know? I'm but a young 16 year old who longs for wisdom and living life to the fullest. I want to glorify God with my life. And learn how to avoid regret. And learn what my purpose is in this present time that I might fulfill it. That is what I long for. Understanding.
I suppose there is also somewhere deep inside me a longing to be acknowledged and a girl with a mind. One that had more depth then the simple skin deep picture the world plasters upon us. That is why I want to see deeper into things then what just anyone can see. I long to understand the way things are supposed to work. And learn a way to try and help them work that way.
I am inspired by one person to write and write and write. I can't say what this means because I myself don't know. It is late and my mind is still whirling. Every time I turn out the lights and close my eyes a new thought flashes across my consciousness and I can't seem to stop writing. So I continue in the hope that something I write will be worth it.
Do I entertain you? Yes I know, there is nothing new under the sun. It is just that we must find those things that have not been out in the sun for a long enough time that they have been forgotten. Therefore they seem new and exciting.
I will keep asking questions in hopes that one day I will stumble upon an answer only to begin uncovering hidden truths and answers all over the place. In other words, my pursuit of knowledge and wisdom will hopefully lead me to them.
If not a word I have said makes any sense to you please read my disclaimer. Thoreau had the right idea when he said those words. I know the tangled fashion in which I write is rather dull or confusing. Perhaps someday I will find something really beautiful and then I'll share my excitement with you.
I will enter a world of the most brilliantly colored thoughts and illustrations, and I will share that with you. Is not good wholesome entertainment what I should try and attain. Give me a purpose and a longing to pursue it and I'll stop asking circular questions and be satisfied to chase after it with all my heart, soul, mind, and body; in essence everything in my being. This being God I need only the deep longing to pursue it.
He promises:
I will give you the desires of your heart.
What a most beautiful two folded promise. It is in itself everything! He first promises to fill our heart with dreams, longings, and good desires, and then turns around and fulfills them!
I must be off to bed as my body will turn into mush if I don't get some sleep even if my mind continues working. I pray this will not be the last time I am filled with inspiration.
Goodnight and Fair the Well!
Your's (The Lord's) )Truly!(.
Amy
Bigger or Smaller?
Is it not easier to discourse on small minute subjects than large universal truths?
Let me show you what I mean.
If I were to ask you to write an essay on "What Life Is" how would you react? I know I would be like:
*Blink*
"What?"
Uh...Life is..well..hmm...where to begin..
It's too big to begin anywhere. BUT what if I asked you to write an essay on "The Importance of Eating Your Green Vegetables" wouldn't that be a bit easier?
One perspective out of many.
Your's (The Lord's) )Truly!(.
Amy
Let me show you what I mean.
If I were to ask you to write an essay on "What Life Is" how would you react? I know I would be like:
*Blink*
"What?"
Uh...Life is..well..hmm...where to begin..
It's too big to begin anywhere. BUT what if I asked you to write an essay on "The Importance of Eating Your Green Vegetables" wouldn't that be a bit easier?
One perspective out of many.
Your's (The Lord's) )Truly!(.
Amy
My Random Wonderings
I've gotten to thinking. Yes and most likely OVER thinking. Because I've been wondering about the worth of conversations. What is the point of talking, chatting with people? What does it do? Does it benefit the person? Does it benefit you? Or how about this...
If it should then...
How many conversations have benefited you lately? I have trouble answering this question.
What is beneficial to talk about?
How can you have a worthy conversation?
Even if you talk about high things and important ideas to improve your mind how have you benefited?
Is it out of a longing to belong that we spend time chatting?
How can we spend our life and make it worth while?
Ok that was randomly off topic...meness :).
BTT(Back to topic) When are we wasting time and when are we helping each other?
What makes a friend real?
How do you make a true friend?
(quote from zoegirl)What is the meaning of life?
I've asked myself so many times
Is there a reason I'm here
i wish someone would make it clear
cuz I'm livin' from day to day
feeling so far away
maybe this life is not what I thought
keeping my eyes on you is something I've gotta do
even when I don't feel like it!
(hehe..Zoegirl not me)
For now that's the end of my queries.
Your's (The Lord's) )Truly!(.
Amy
If it should then...
How many conversations have benefited you lately? I have trouble answering this question.
What is beneficial to talk about?
How can you have a worthy conversation?
Even if you talk about high things and important ideas to improve your mind how have you benefited?
Is it out of a longing to belong that we spend time chatting?
How can we spend our life and make it worth while?
Ok that was randomly off topic...meness :).
BTT(Back to topic) When are we wasting time and when are we helping each other?
What makes a friend real?
How do you make a true friend?
(quote from zoegirl)What is the meaning of life?
I've asked myself so many times
Is there a reason I'm here
i wish someone would make it clear
cuz I'm livin' from day to day
feeling so far away
maybe this life is not what I thought
keeping my eyes on you is something I've gotta do
even when I don't feel like it!
(hehe..Zoegirl not me)
For now that's the end of my queries.
Your's (The Lord's) )Truly!(.
Amy
Those Insolent Imps
UGH! I would like to get my hands on an Inspiration Imp. That's what I think inspiration is. It is on little imps that slip into your mind and whisper things that can become beautiful ideas. BUT THEY LOVE TO DO IT AT THE MOST ANNOYING TIME!
Like when you're about to fall asleep! They stay as far away from you when you grope in the emptiness beyond your mind for something to write. They have no respect for proper priority!
And then.
AND THEN when you are about to slip into sleep your subconscious brushes a brightly colored thought that must be put down immediately or else it will be lost forever. Imps love mischief and that is why I'm certain inspiration must be doled out among a very mischievous group of imps!
As you can see. It is late. I got inspired. It is too rare to pass up. Now I lost my other inspiration in my wrath against those little sprites! So I will attempt sleep once again...
Sorry for the lack of beautification of my posts lately. And for the lack of posts. I'll try and get up my last night inspiration posted soon. XD
It's a poem... XD
Your's (The Lord's) )Truly!(.
Amy
Like when you're about to fall asleep! They stay as far away from you when you grope in the emptiness beyond your mind for something to write. They have no respect for proper priority!
And then.
AND THEN when you are about to slip into sleep your subconscious brushes a brightly colored thought that must be put down immediately or else it will be lost forever. Imps love mischief and that is why I'm certain inspiration must be doled out among a very mischievous group of imps!
As you can see. It is late. I got inspired. It is too rare to pass up. Now I lost my other inspiration in my wrath against those little sprites! So I will attempt sleep once again...
Sorry for the lack of beautification of my posts lately. And for the lack of posts. I'll try and get up my last night inspiration posted soon. XD
It's a poem... XD
Your's (The Lord's) )Truly!(.
Amy
What I've been trying to say...
inserted 1:25 pm 31 march 2009: Please understand, let me make it clear before hand that this is just what it seems. A POEM. Not all of it is really true. Some of it is inspired by what has happened in my life but it's the overflow of a sentimental heart. Even if it was partially true at the time things can change from day to day but I'm still going to post this thing. All is just a poem, so there. You should consider yourself glad and be thankful that I'm even posting this. xP (hehe unless you find it so badly written..)
I'm here but who knows where you'll be tomorrow. God takes us away sometimes...friends separated
So here I am so filled with excuses.
And then I turn away, walk out, stay quiet, and never speak my mind.
cuz all I was I left behind
in your way
but you'll never see it
because I left you too
and never even told you
all that I thought
all that I was
All that you ever meant to me
and everything I wanted you to be
cuz I saw all your potential and didn't know how to say
that what you did
helped me stay on my feet one more day
Once you taught me
and then you gave me
the greatest inspiration of all
that I could stand tall
and ride the waves
that kept washing over me
you'll never see
nor understand
all you've meant to me
cuz I can't say
what I can't be
and all I am I left behind with you
you were a friend
though I'm not even sure
I ever let you know that
and there I was
just wasting your time
saying things that were worthless
I've asked myself so many times
what kind of friendships I so want
and there I was wasting worthless words
on a friend I never got
Instead of saying all I meant
I said all that I could care less
if you ever answered my strange queries
I didn't want to bug you any more
so I should have stayed away sometimes
and let you live you life
and watch you find the right one
And what was I but empty words?
when did I give you the reason?
that I always wished to be
like a sister
like a friend
to you
and I just waited and let it go by
and all I could do is sit by and sigh
but then it struck me that I could pray
and that's what i've been doing all day
I'll pray for you to find the way
that I lost when I met you
so don't find me strange.
don't find me rude
I just wanted to be a friend to you
I know you'll succeed
and then you'll go lead
a life that's lived for the God you serve
and when you die he'll give you life
to live even better then you do now
I'm sorry for the times I left
so many things unsaid
so here I am I've got to say
You're cool, your great
I admire you
Thank you
and good bye
and goodnight to you
have a great life
God bless you
you know you've been like a brother to me?
This may sound weird
that's why I never said it
but you've taught me a lot
though I don't know how to tell you
you were a friend when you didn't know it
and now I am here wishing I had told you
even if you hadn't cared
at least you would have know
that someone else was caring
someone who you could have thought less about
who knew so little but cared a lot
I'm not here to be bought
but given away as freely as God gave all his love to us
cuz he gave me this gift
It's called agape
and I've given it to you
just like he gave it to me
but I just don't know
how to tell you
I just don't see
when to say it
but I don't wanna
say it at your funeral
as I've seen so many regrets
on the faces of people doing just that
when they might have encouraged
instead they were afraid
that they might be rejected
they might be derided
But really life is too short
not to share all the love
and admiration we're given
to give it away
not holding on for way to long
and finding our hands are empty
I want to say so many things
but how can I come and bring
all my friendship when it will sound silly
and sappy and weird
to say that I like you
you're one of the coolest
guys i've ever met
I look up to you
and admire you plenty
but this all sounds silly
coming from me
cuz I just ignored you
for way too long
though inside I was watching
you go along
and seeing the way God wants to use you
and here I am hearing my friends abuse you
now wait no that's not right their your friends too
and I don't feel strong enough
to speak out above the noise
and ask for some kindness
after all they're just joking right?
But please be assured
I'll be praying for you
In God your future's secured
And I know they care too
Please don't be alarmed
but what am I saying?
You'll never read this
and you won't be staying.
I'm a sentimental sap
when it comes to brothers
I think of you as one
though I'm not even sure
I was ever your friend
but I counted you in mine
though you may not ever know
Yes I know you're flawed
But who of us is not?
I never said I like them
but God's working on that
and you'll deal with them in time
maybe when we meet again
on the other side
you'll hear all I left unsaid
while I was here on earth
But nevermind me
I know your busy
Have a great life
and I'll just say this
I'll remember if no one else does.
BUT wait! is this the way I want to live?
Is this the way I'm gonna give
everything I am to God?
Without being willing to share
my heart with those I love
yet they don't even know I care
How do I dare?
to share my friendship
without seeming to want any more
I guess I'll wait
for the right opportunity
The one God gives me
to give you my friendship
and admiration
when you need it most
I'll save it for a rainy day
When life looks bleak
cuz I know right now
it might just be like
water of a ducks back
So for now I'll say goodbye
hoping to be a friend
when you need it most someday
I'll be there to repay
all the help you've given me
without ever even knowing
And then I turn away, walk out, stay quiet, and never speak my mind.
cuz all I was I left behind
in your way
but you'll never see it
because I left you too
and never even told you
all that I thought
all that I was
All that you ever meant to me
and everything I wanted you to be
cuz I saw all your potential and didn't know how to say
that what you did
helped me stay on my feet one more day
Once you taught me
and then you gave me
the greatest inspiration of all
that I could stand tall
and ride the waves
that kept washing over me
you'll never see
nor understand
all you've meant to me
cuz I can't say
what I can't be
and all I am I left behind with you
you were a friend
though I'm not even sure
I ever let you know that
and there I was
just wasting your time
saying things that were worthless
I've asked myself so many times
what kind of friendships I so want
and there I was wasting worthless words
on a friend I never got
Instead of saying all I meant
I said all that I could care less
if you ever answered my strange queries
I didn't want to bug you any more
so I should have stayed away sometimes
and let you live you life
and watch you find the right one
And what was I but empty words?
when did I give you the reason?
that I always wished to be
like a sister
like a friend
to you
and I just waited and let it go by
and all I could do is sit by and sigh
but then it struck me that I could pray
and that's what i've been doing all day
I'll pray for you to find the way
that I lost when I met you
so don't find me strange.
don't find me rude
I just wanted to be a friend to you
I know you'll succeed
and then you'll go lead
a life that's lived for the God you serve
and when you die he'll give you life
to live even better then you do now
I'm sorry for the times I left
so many things unsaid
so here I am I've got to say
You're cool, your great
I admire you
Thank you
and good bye
and goodnight to you
have a great life
God bless you
you know you've been like a brother to me?
This may sound weird
that's why I never said it
but you've taught me a lot
though I don't know how to tell you
you were a friend when you didn't know it
and now I am here wishing I had told you
even if you hadn't cared
at least you would have know
that someone else was caring
someone who you could have thought less about
who knew so little but cared a lot
I'm not here to be bought
but given away as freely as God gave all his love to us
cuz he gave me this gift
It's called agape
and I've given it to you
just like he gave it to me
but I just don't know
how to tell you
I just don't see
when to say it
but I don't wanna
say it at your funeral
as I've seen so many regrets
on the faces of people doing just that
when they might have encouraged
instead they were afraid
that they might be rejected
they might be derided
But really life is too short
not to share all the love
and admiration we're given
to give it away
not holding on for way to long
and finding our hands are empty
I want to say so many things
but how can I come and bring
all my friendship when it will sound silly
and sappy and weird
to say that I like you
you're one of the coolest
guys i've ever met
I look up to you
and admire you plenty
but this all sounds silly
coming from me
cuz I just ignored you
for way too long
though inside I was watching
you go along
and seeing the way God wants to use you
and here I am hearing my friends abuse you
now wait no that's not right their your friends too
and I don't feel strong enough
to speak out above the noise
and ask for some kindness
after all they're just joking right?
But please be assured
I'll be praying for you
In God your future's secured
And I know they care too
Please don't be alarmed
but what am I saying?
You'll never read this
and you won't be staying.
I'm a sentimental sap
when it comes to brothers
I think of you as one
though I'm not even sure
I was ever your friend
but I counted you in mine
though you may not ever know
Yes I know you're flawed
But who of us is not?
I never said I like them
but God's working on that
and you'll deal with them in time
maybe when we meet again
on the other side
you'll hear all I left unsaid
while I was here on earth
But nevermind me
I know your busy
Have a great life
and I'll just say this
I'll remember if no one else does.
BUT wait! is this the way I want to live?
Is this the way I'm gonna give
everything I am to God?
Without being willing to share
my heart with those I love
yet they don't even know I care
How do I dare?
to share my friendship
without seeming to want any more
I guess I'll wait
for the right opportunity
The one God gives me
to give you my friendship
and admiration
when you need it most
I'll save it for a rainy day
When life looks bleak
cuz I know right now
it might just be like
water of a ducks back
So for now I'll say goodbye
hoping to be a friend
when you need it most someday
I'll be there to repay
all the help you've given me
without ever even knowing
I'm here but who knows where you'll be tomorrow. God takes us away sometimes...friends separated
I'm nonsense.
Your's (The Lord's) )Truly!(.
Amy
Amy
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