I know someday I will forget all that is so important to me now. The friends I consider so valuable. The people I feel so close too. The ones I long to know better. The home I have here in Malaysia. Everything that is so dear to my heart and mind now will fade into no more then the few pinpoints of light made by pictures and stories.
My heart will not be remembered. Nor will everything I always wanted to say but never knew how to express. I don't know how to live this moment to the fullest. But I want to learn.
How can you miss something that you perfected by experiencing? Perhaps that is the way to avoid regret for not remembering the past. If you try and make the absolute most of every moment then you won't need to try and improve it in the future by reminiscence.
Only to leave it untouched like a delicate butterfly to enjoy once and never regret not knowing what it was. Or perhaps our longing to remember comes from our longing to be remembered which comes from a desire to belong.
How can I know? I'm but a young 16 year old who longs for wisdom and living life to the fullest. I want to glorify God with my life. And learn how to avoid regret. And learn what my purpose is in this present time that I might fulfill it. That is what I long for. Understanding.
I suppose there is also somewhere deep inside me a longing to be acknowledged and a girl with a mind. One that had more depth then the simple skin deep picture the world plasters upon us. That is why I want to see deeper into things then what just anyone can see. I long to understand the way things are supposed to work. And learn a way to try and help them work that way.
I am inspired by one person to write and write and write. I can't say what this means because I myself don't know. It is late and my mind is still whirling. Every time I turn out the lights and close my eyes a new thought flashes across my consciousness and I can't seem to stop writing. So I continue in the hope that something I write will be worth it.
Do I entertain you? Yes I know, there is nothing new under the sun. It is just that we must find those things that have not been out in the sun for a long enough time that they have been forgotten. Therefore they seem new and exciting.
I will keep asking questions in hopes that one day I will stumble upon an answer only to begin uncovering hidden truths and answers all over the place. In other words, my pursuit of knowledge and wisdom will hopefully lead me to them.
If not a word I have said makes any sense to you please read my disclaimer. Thoreau had the right idea when he said those words. I know the tangled fashion in which I write is rather dull or confusing. Perhaps someday I will find something really beautiful and then I'll share my excitement with you.
I will enter a world of the most brilliantly colored thoughts and illustrations, and I will share that with you. Is not good wholesome entertainment what I should try and attain. Give me a purpose and a longing to pursue it and I'll stop asking circular questions and be satisfied to chase after it with all my heart, soul, mind, and body; in essence everything in my being. This being God I need only the deep longing to pursue it.
He promises:
I will give you the desires of your heart.
What a most beautiful two folded promise. It is in itself everything! He first promises to fill our heart with dreams, longings, and good desires, and then turns around and fulfills them!
I must be off to bed as my body will turn into mush if I don't get some sleep even if my mind continues working. I pray this will not be the last time I am filled with inspiration.
Goodnight and Fair the Well!
Your's (The Lord's) )Truly!(.
Amy
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