Convincing Myself...

I've come up with a bit of an idea to help me practice my writing and actually begin to take it somewhere instead of just splashing my thoughts randomly into words. I'll still do that but hopefully I'll also take this new flow of thoughts, words, ideas, and simply the desire to write and direct it into a productive channel.

Arrg, but I have to keep reminding myself (before it becomes to late) that I can't try too hard to make this really anything great or else it will kill in me this desire to write. I already see little things I'm improving in. I shouldn't try and force on too hard or else I'll lose the precious gift I have right now. An eagerness and joy in writing simply because it so simple. I don't have to fight and struggle to find the right words to say. Because I don't have to say just the right words. I can simply have the overflow of my mind.

I now have one person following my blog. I was thrilled when I saw that my brother wants to read my blog. Ok, so, Joel, I'm going to ask you a question. Don't you think that writing this way is ok? You want to write and isn't the most important thing to do just that? I doubt many people will read this anyway and what they think isn't really what I'm after. My main purpose and goal is to improve as a writer and to make it interesting enough just for those that would take the time to read it anyway, like my family.

I guess I just shouldn't think about it too much and enjoy writing. So anyway. After all this indecision I guess I'm going to come to this conclusion: I'll write what's in my mind and on my heart to the best of my abilities in the hopes that my writing will improve, a few might find some joy and entertainment out of it, and that I'll write it not caring how frivolous or small it is only delving into deeper topics when the mood strikes. Right?

In any event this is what I really consider most important and I should stick to it above everything else. When I fee that what I'm doing is good, productive and most importantly something that pleases and is in God's will for me then that's what really counts. After that there isn't anything worth considering.

So, here's another definition of this blog. Sometimes it will have my heart. Sometimes it will have my head. It will hold a trifle of my life recorded and most importantly, I want it to be something that will glorify God. Even with the simplest thoughts.

Oh boy... I know I tend to twist my sentence structure from one way to another until it's worse then a spiral staircase. I do also tend to go with the flow of things and jump from one thing to another. Oh yeah. Maybe some of this might come to be a little, if only a very little like that 'conscious thought' way of writing...is that what you call it?

Here's my idea set up in a allegorical simile. Lets say someone gather from the beach just loads of sand, going along and just filling sacks with sand. It gets taken home and all those sacks get piled up around the house, and yard. Then someone takes a large trough-like container and sets it up near a pile of bags of sand. Let's say the person is looking for shells (all kinds, beautiful, plain, small, big, broken, whole). They want to collect all the shells up in hopes that they can use sort them out and make something beautiful with the best of them. If this person takes a sack and very slowly, painstakingly searches out only the best and most beautiful of the shells, then they aren't going to end up with very many. At least not anytime soon.
But, if the person pours out the whole sack and starts a new one, and then goes through all of that at once after the fact, the amount of good shells will probably be more.

My point, though not well make, is that if I write and write a lot and a lot about all sorts of things, then I'm more likely to stumble upon the pretty shells and not just have sand. The more I write the more I might get some of those pretty shells...

Ok..I'm just about exhausted from this attempt at convincing myself that this way of writing is ok. (It worked I hope ;) )

Two main keys to free writing to an invisible audience:

1. If it's goes with what God wants then it works
2. I don't care what people think.
   

Well, I'm going to go now. Boy, it's hard work trying to convince oneself of such a simple thing...

Adios!

Your's (The Lord's) )Truly!(.
Amy

The Dawn of a New Day

Last night I went to bed bubbly over with laughter, this morning I wake up with a grumbling stomach and a new vigor for the new day. It took me a while to wake up, but that's mainly because I still haven't gotten enough regular sleep to be well caught up and rested hehe... I do need more sleep.

I thought that if I started writing now, in the morning, then I'd be less likely to run out of time before I need to go to bed :). That way I can get more down. You see, I have SOOO much that I want to tell you...well, to get written down anyway. There are so many different things I can write about here.

I've come up with all sorts of ideas on what to write. I could and hopefully will write about different issues that are relevant to us teens in these troubled days. I can lay open my mind on the things that i find important. Ok, but here and now let me reiterate. I will, hopefully be talking about all kinds of thing big and small, but for the big things, the things that effect everone, please know that I don't think I have all the answers, I'm just telling what I think. So, if you happen to drastically disagree with what I'm saying then that's fine, I might be wrong, it might just have different perspectives, or you can just stop reading whenever you feel like it ;).

I'll start out by saying this, I am a Christian. That in itself would turn off the public at large cuz as the Bible says in Matthew 24:9b:

"...and you will be hated by all nations because of me."

That's what I was just reading this morning. And this time the part that struck me was the all. I mean, yes, I've always know that we will be, and are persecuted by many nations. But what about the fact that it says all?? Anyway, I could expound but I've put off posting this thing for all day and I kinda do want to post it today.

You can see the time this was posted and also know that I wrote it around 8 a.m. yesterday.. :S.

Your's (The Lord's) )Truly!(.
Amy

Iron in the Fire

Lately a lot of thoughts have flooded my mind. I've been asking myself; what is friendship? What is companionship really? How do you develope friendships and can you be friends with people that you don't seem to click with right away? Should it just be left alone if it didn't work out at first? Do you just let it develop naturally? And if it doesn't does that mean it was a friendship that was never meant to be?

How about the fact that I want to be friends with someone that it would take a lot of extra work to create that friendship. Should I just leave it be, supposing that perhaps it wasn't the kind of friendship I was meant to have? All these questions. Few answers. Well in any case, I'm going to leave it for a month and see what happens after that.

Once I'm totally rid of my own personal sentimentality then maybe. Maybe I'll be able to have a simple and yet productive friendship. That's all I think I should have for now. Friendship. My heart has been seeking something deeper and i think that is because I haven't been fulfilling the relationship I should have with my Master. God.

He really should be the center of my life. Right now.. He isn't. But I hope to remedy that. I really want to grow closer to him. Draw near to his heart, be like iron put into the flame to come out red hot. That was the vision I had when I was praying with my best friend a few days ago.

It was like I saw a big fire like one that you find in a blacksmiths furnace. A long strip of metal was sticking out of the fire. A hand, the hand of the blacksmith (in this case God I suppose) who was working it took the piece from the fire. With a large hammer he started pounding it into shape, but, you see, the point of this was not that he could shape it. It was that after he had pounded it for a while he would have to put it back in the fire because it had lost its glow.

I was realizing that for a long while I've been outside of that fire. Since, I've been away from that fire I've lost my red hot glow and the blows from the hammer are no longer affecting me. I can't live away from the fire and expect to be on an edge with God. Never setting aside time to be in his presence but expecting him to still be very close in my mind. I've been turning cold and hard.

I realized this because of what I'd been noticing for so long. I tried to address this in my last post but never got around to it. For a long time I've felt that the way I discern and understand things has been not firmly grounded in the word. I couldn't have described it this way before, but after talking to Eunice, now I can.

I remember a time when I saw and longed for intimacy with God. When I looked at how great people could get caught on one ideology and end up getting messed up by it. That's when I realized that we need to really, really know the word if we want to avoid those pitfalls. When we end up depending too much on ourselves or our own interpretation of God's word without really looking at his Word as a whole.

That's another thing that we really need. We need people. No one can keep totally strait without someone to help us. That's why the bible is full of fellowship. It's something everyone needs. We need people we can trust and depend on to keep our secrets, love us through our hardships, and be there for us in everything that we do. Everyone needs support, guidance, love, discipline, laughter, listeners. We all need others.

Imagine the world where everyone is individual; only ever looking out for themselves. Never being able to trust anyone. It seems like a dreary and forsaken place to be. What kind of life is there to live without good healthy interaction with other people.

Ok, I know this could end up being another one of those expansive unedited posts, but before it is I'll just stop. Again, I'd like to say that I'm sorry for a lot of my repetitiveness and bad wording and all the other things that make this so lack of good writing. I just know that the only way I'm going to get better is by doing this a whole lot. Because what I'm doing is simply typing just about as fast as the thoughts come to mind. (I'm learning how to slow down my thinking so I can get it into typed words ;).)

I would go through this and brighten it up with some fancy stuff and pretty colors, but I started late and I need to get some sleep cuz I've got a big day tomorrow. (Apryl's coming over YEA!) Well, Goodnight my dear friends and fellow humans...and maybe even an enemy or to. lol anyway as I get more informal at the end of my post

As Tigger would always say;

TTFN!

Your's (The Lord's) )Truly!(.
Amy

The Analogy of the Tree

Now my heart is full. I have so little time and so much to say. I have half an hour before my friend arrives and I enter the wonderful world of craziness.

I have two similes I came up with recently. I'd like you to here them and see what you think. Today my mind has had a flow of ideas on what I can say in this blog. I hope I can get even a fraction down. Bear with me. My first metaphor is actually the second one I came up with and I thought of it just a little while ago.


My mind is like a tree. It grows and branches out with brown limbs that reach to the sky and are nurtured by the sun and the rain. Its leaves are ideas that sprout and grow, developing as they unfurl into beautiful, varied greenery. My mind is like a tree that goes through seasons very quickly. The ideas sprout and grow and then dry up and fall from the branches as the sap that was feeding them is directed elsewhere.


At times my mind as a tree is in winter and all the thoughts are gone and a cold frost chill the hungry branches. Then snow comes to cover and coat the branches with a pure white that cleanses and beautifies. Those are the times I'm out of resources and just have to be in patient waiting trying to glorify God even when I can't be seemingly doing anything worth the while.


Then spring comes to the branches and the sap begins to flow. My time of waiting passes and inspiration returns. Life comes to the branches and new shoots start sprouting in all different areas. I get ideas and start developing them, seeing where they will take me. At some point along the way, if this tree is a fruit tree, the gardener will need to come along and cut away some of the branches so the others will be more productive. Sometimes I will reach out for ideas and opportunities that are good, but not right for the time. When they are cut off and taken away it gives me more focus and strength to really develop the important ones.


Once the tree has grown leaves along all the branches that remain, other things can come. Perhaps this tree can be a nice home for a robins nest or some squirrels might find it a comfortable place to stay. These things might be a combination of my ideas and something that comes from somewhere else that become plans. Then the plans can develop and grow with the help of the outside and my own ideas until it can take flight. That would also imply that it is helped and nurtured by me and then goes beyond my control, influence, and I can no longer claim it as my own.


Then as summer draws near the fruit or nuts that grow on this tree begin to develop. Those might be a different kind of idea, perhaps something more significant. They also might be a project that I work on. As time goes on and the fruit is fed by tree and sun and it ripens. That would be the developing of the project and getting some outside input. Then the fruit must be picked or it will over ripen and turn rotten. It would be as if I hold onto a project too long and it either becomes obsolete or just gets old.


Well I could go into fall but I think your getting the idea. Now I need to go eat my lunch. I don't have time for the other simile but I'll tell you later.

P.S (This was posted a day later than when I wrote it)

Once again a disclaimer: I hold to no pretense that this is all that good but I hope you can just enjoy it. Obviously, you found it worth while enough to read it through. (Unless of course you skipped to this dark red disclaimer) So don't be to upset by it's lack of 'brilliance'.

Your's (The Lord's) )Truly!(.
Amy

Filling in the Spaces..

I sit here again, as I always do, thinking about the recent events that have shaped my world for the last few weeks. The lack of all emotion that leaves me void overwhelms me now. In the clarity of the moment I see as plainly as the noonday sun what has been unobtrusively hovering at the edge of my consciousness for the last few weeks.


Something has felt off inside. I don't mean like a light switch. I mean when a poster is slightly crooked and it irritates the daylights out of you but you're not sure which way to move it. Or like an uncomfortable kink in your back that you can't seem to get rid of no matter which way you turn.


Arg. There I go again. One of the things that has felt superficial and out of place is this. In everything I've written or done that will show up on the internet I've always been doing it with someone in mind. Even half subconsciously I've been writing, posting, commenting, in such a way to impress or make a point to this one particular person. I've done it with the intention that he might see it, might notice the way I am, or who I am by it.

Somehow I've been trying to shape an image that might be found interesting by this one person. Now I look at some of the things and feel that same off centered, not wholly true way. It's still me, yes, but at the same time, it's a plastered rather above myself me. An image of myself though slightly enhanced and overdone to be noticed instead of trying to express myself in the true simplicity of pure unpremeditated character that I am.


Thinking is good. Thinking through what you want to say is good. But I came to the point where I crossed a line between thinking out whether it's a good idea or not to have the way I would act and react preplanned. It's almost like deceiving someone. Even though I would still be speaking and acting, it wouldn't be completely who I am.


I've been covering my feelings because they aren't right. Well, not that they're exactly bad, but they just don't fit what God means me to be and have created in me desires that shouldn't be awakened yet. And it's not what you're thinking. Well, not wholly so. (Please understand that this is badly worded to say the least..It's not really serious. Don't worry :P)


Anyway, I'm going to begin shedding this by shedding my artifice. Sorry for all these largish words but I'm in an eloquent mood. What enters my mind, for I am speaking mainly through my mind now, I write. This seems to be the only way I can manage to write anything. And eventually I'm going to have to warn people when I'm writing because if I lose the thought I'm following I'll never regain it. It's like chasing impish fairies that love to dance at the corners of your eyes. Once you are finally able to fix your full vision on them you can't look away or they will dance away into the mist of fancy, never to be seen again. Or at least, very rarely.


Let me see, what was I saying? Well, here I go again, I was just talking to my dad who just got home from Frasiers hill. Let me get back to that thought...how can I adress it. There's something more I need to say. Bear with me as I ramble. I hope this continues. You might ask what I mean and it's simply this. I've found it so hard to get comfortable with writing and yet one of my lifelong dreams and goals was to become a writer. It's not exactly that I've had writers block, but it's just that I've wanted to do it really really well, simply because my dream is to live off of writing.


I've had this thought that's been locking the doors to my writing capacity that is this. To be a writer you must write well. Exceptionally well. I've been wanting to do really well in my writing because there are so many people who have never aspired to write as a vocation and here I am dreaming of it and not being able to do so much as get a proper essay down. Ok. I know that was a really long and probably grammatically incorrect sentence. You know what? At the moment I don't care.


As long as I'm writing what's coming from me and not something apart from me, I'll be doing well. That's why I started doing this. I wanted a way to be able to go from head through pen (or in this case keyboard.) into script.


My mind's trail of thought has changed. Hehe.. It's because I just needed to plug in my computer now that it's down on reserve power. Again, sorry for the well, in my opinion, rather stilted language. I'm in a prosy mood and it almost feels rather out of place to use slang in this.


I would have used another word but now that I can't figure out how to spell it, I'm not sure it even exists.


Back to a previous topic, I've noticed something, almost incomprehensible, changing about me. Almost, but not quite. Now that I've been able to realize what it is I've decided it's not good and I shouldn't have it. I realized that lately my tastes have been changing, and I don't mean in the normal natural way that tastes change as we grow older. I mean they've been changing from a more Christian perspective to a slightly more secular one.


It's been so slight that I didn't really realize until now that I'm starting to like music I always used to find distasteful, slightly disturbing things that strange people do on tv (Such as American Idol) haven't been as repulsive as they used to be. I'm not saying the change has been very strong or that I find certain ways acceptable even though they go against everything I've ever been taught. No. I just mean that I haven't been as unwavering in my opinions about those thing as I used to be.


I'm sorry (once again) to say that whether or not you understand this isn't actually the point. I'm just sorting out my thoughts as I go along, which means I end up with some very confusing conclusions. Whatever you think doesn't matter at the moment.


I might regret being this blunt someday, but I'd better not think about that. At the moment I'm being uninhibited and free enough to do just as I've wanted to do. Write with unfettered, free abandon without the pangs of self conciousness because I think what other people will say about this.


Somehow though, I've found I can't write like this just for myself. I've tried writing on and on like this but it always dried up and I haven't found the words to continue. It seems I need an audience, albeit a completely invisible and non pressurizing audience, but still, an audience. When I know that no other eyes will see this but my own I have total freedom to say as I wish, but I have no drive to do that.


Oh boy, I don't know who would ever want to take the time to read this whole mess of an entry but it feels so good to be able to write like this. It makes my dreams feel possible. You see, I hold this dream of becoming an author. The kind that writes fantasy. But I don't want to just write anything. (I know all authors have this goal but shouldn't we aim higher than even we think we can reach? As C. S. Lewis put it: Aim at heaven and you will get earth thrown in. Aim at earth and you get neither. )


I want to write something meaningful. Something that won't just be a good entertaining read, but will feed the soul of the reader, even unconciously. I've had a belief that you can reach out to someone in a very deep and impacting way through the lightest forms of entertainment. You can touch someones soul and make them think deeply without preaching at them or screaming in their ear.


I've always thought it would be really great to have the added bonus of becoming popular, even famous for the books and gaining riches from it. But now I don't think that would be what is really important. I think the greatest and most valuable thing to aim for is fulfilling God's will in my life. If I can do that, well, there isn't a better reward then the one he has waiting for me.


That's what I'd really like to do. I'd like to show people what God has shown me. No, I don't claim to know great things. I don't want to presume that I have something really worth knowing. I just want to do what God wants me to. And I think this is one of the things.
God has given me a goal to try and get down everything I know about the story he's beginning to shape in my mind by sometime I believe in either April or May or I might lose the entire story. It's not brilliant, but it does scare me to think about losing it.

I've been given a gift. My gift is not that I am a talented writer. Neither has it been a gift of discipline to write. Both of those I need and cannot get without, but they are things I have to work for and earn. My gift, is the story I have to tell. It is not true in the reality that everything about it is fictitious. But the core of it, it's heart, is truth. I'm not trying to say that I have a story that's 'all that'. I don't think it has this heart of truth yet, I'm just trusting in God, that if I fulfill my side of the deal, he, in his perfect, uncompromising faithfulness will fulfill his promise.

Ahh. He's on my mind again. For the long blissful writing of this post he wasn't there to intrusively fill my mind and heart. No I'm going to be rid of these thoughts of him soon. (Please realize I am not talking about an alternate personality that tries to take over my mind or anything. Nor is this some sort of voice of evil that is trying to convince me to do things. It is simply my silly foolish heart and mind thinking on the person I mentioned in the beginning of this long post. And please also realize that it isn't his fault nor does he have any idea of it. That's the one nice thing about this whole senario. Once I'm fully over this/him I can go and become friends with him without any of this foolery to inhibit a simple friendship. But for now I'll just avoid that.)

Now to describe what it's been like to write this lingering post. Oh it was delight! I'm not sure how delightful it will be for anyone to read...but that's entirely besides the point ;P lol. Now I'm probably going to slip a bit into slang hehe. Oh forget it. Say whatever you want, I'll just try and keep this sense of freedom so I can write many more of this wordy posts. After all, at the moment my goal is not perfecting the skill, but simply practicing and developing it a bit.

I've always known that it takes simply a lot, a lot of practice to learn how to write and write well. Practice makes perfect.

Uhoh..I have that feeling like I'd want this post to go on forever...but I'm sure you're thinking WHEN IS THIS EVER GOING TO END??? Well, without further ado I'll end this luxuriously long post.

PS to future Amy, Please don't be totally horrified at how terribly written this was and know that I don't think it's all that great now. It's just lovely practice :D.

Your's (The Lord's) )Truly!(.
Amy

The Pirate's Revenge act!!

Ok, right now I'm...hmmm, I'm...sitting on a bed with my leg wrapped up typing on my beautiful Mac which I have named WhiteStag. Here I am about to post a conversation with myself. *A strange looking pirate takes over the blog OH NO!!*Harhar meharties I'm here to gain revenge on yuuu!! WARNING: If this at all makes you want to choke me, shake me, bang my head on the wall, or at all injure yourself please note that you have been fully warned that any damage this may do to your brain is not associated with me and/or anyone in company with me the writer of this piece of writing. If you do injure yourself I/we are not responsible for it because you were fully warned to stop before reading any further and you cannot charge me/us in a court of law. Also please be forewarned this is super lame and not worth the time it takes to read so leave now or go forward at your own risk.
GREEN: ME, BLUE: Myself
You know what I really want to do?
What?
You know, something really exciting?
Whatt?
Something I've been longing to plan for since I had a sleepover with Apryl?
WHAT??
I want to...
yes..
I waant to...
YES???
Have a mascaraed party!!!
Really?
For my 16th Birthday party!!
But you'll be gone..
No, I'll do it early :D:D:D!
Like when..?
Oh..I don't know..sometime in the next set of school holls.
Which are?
You know..when you get a break from school... >.<.
Noo I mean't when are they?
oh.
You airhead...
I am not an airhead!!
Yes you are.
Am not!
Are too!
AM NOT!
Then why are you talking to yourself..?
arr..em... moving on..
Ok..so when's this party of yours.
I don't know yet.
THEN WHY ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT IT??
I just wanted to see what you thought of the idea.
...
So?
It's great...
Really? *Hopefully clasps hands*
No.
*begins to bawl* WHHHYYY NOOOTT WHHAA!
Ok..you're weird..
I know *Cheeky grin*
Good bye...
Wait!
*backs cautiously towards the door*
Where are you going???
Oh em..well..I need to..go find the thing I lost..you know..that time..I need to.. *reaches the door*
bb..bye then.. *Whimpers*
Yeah..bye.....*Slams door* AAH GET ME OUUT OF HERE!!


Disclaimer: Please let me tell you that this is not the way I really am and whether you know me well or not, this was made out of pure sillyness and does not display the way my mind really works. *you might try other posts to find out closer to the reality how I think..* I hope that if anything you will simply enjoy the bright colors. (a guy walks by rubbing his eyes saying Aaaah! my eyes! Will I ever recover!!) Or not...
P.S. Can't say I didn't warn you. :P
This was an attempt at entertaining..perhaps someone somewhere in the world will get the slightest chuckle out of it...if so I've accomplished my purpose far and beyond ;D.

Why on Earth?

Oh boy, I have now written two long and crazy heartfelt posts where half of it is terrible poetry about what I've been going through lately and both times I chickened out last minute and never posted the things. Oh bother, I guess when this whole crazy mess with my heart is over I'll post them and then people can see how foolish I was and how foolish I knew I'd been.
Ok. Those were some long sentences.

I'm still on crutches but it's all getting better. I can now put my full weight on my injured leg so that's helpful. Ok now for once I'm going to be gurlly and tell you about my shopping. For the longest time I have hated shopping. Really, I know it's crazy that a girl like me would hate to go shopping (clothes and window mainly hehe). But, BUT, I guess I'm changing...Now that I get an allowance for my clothes I can pick my clothes however I'd like as long as I can pay for it.
Of course, though, I still try and be reasonable. I could buy really expensive stuff but then I'd get about 1 shirt and maybe a pair of pants where else I can get a whole load of stuff. Anyway I went and have now bought four new shirts.
Man...Was that ever boring... >.<
I need to learn how to write well.
I guess that's one of the reasons I started this thing. Besides simply wanting to eventually give people a way to know me, I want a place to rant and rave about utter nonsense to my hearts content and hope that eventually my writing and spelling improve.
I'll end this one here and start afresh.

Ok I found this on Ernest's blog, (Hope u don't mind, if u ever end up reading this.) I really love reading these kinds of things so I figured I'd fill one or two out.

1oo Truths about Me!

ARE YOU?
►Perfect:
Definately not! Never will be..*sigh* Oh wait..Yes I will be. hehe..
►Tall:
You could say that...
►In your pajamas:
well..maybe??
►Lefthanded:
YUP!
======================================
L AST:
►Friend you saw:
Does my mom count?
►Talked to on the phone:
Hmm... Probably Apryl..
►Is today better than yesterday:
mmm..I have no idea
======================================
FAVORIT E:
►Number(s):
7, 26, 15, 21, 17
►Color:
Green! different shades but not lime..mainly emerald
►Food:
Mexican food!
►Place:
Church, Home, Egypt, and more...
=======================================
QUESTIONS & ANSWERS:
Q: What was the first thing you did
this morning when you got up?
Ate :S, and then I went back to sleep until 10:45 AM!
Q: Do you have anything bothering you?
Yup and yup.
Q: What's the last movie you watched in theaters?
Bedtime Stories. It was funny :).
Q: Where is the last place you went?
One Utama... Chilies
Q. Do you smile a lot?
I hope so :D.
Q: Do you wish upon stars?
Not really...no I don't think I ever have...
Q: Are you a friendly person?
I sure hope people take me as one! :S
Q: Where did you sleep last night?
Here, at home
Q: Why did you sleep there?
Because I didn't go anywhere else..
Q: When was the last time you cried?
hmm...do you mean REALLY cried? or just fake/half cried?
Q: What was your last thought before?
Before...BEFORE WHAT?? Is this supposed to be Minglish??
Q: What do you hear right now?
The whir of my fan and someone else's air con
Q: Does anything hurt you right now?
Yes, two things... :(
Q: What's your favorite month?
April!! Sorry...I'm totally prejudice to my personal birthday month.
=======================================
EMOTIONS:
Are you missing someone right now?
YES!! YES AND YES! (That would equal at least 3 people)
Are you tired?
y..e..s...blaahh
=======================================
BASICS :
►Real name?
Amy Amaris Goodwin
►Age?
Technically I'm 15, but because I'm in Malaysia I guess u could say I'm 16
►Eye color?
Honey Brown like my dad... :)
►Zodiac sign?
dunno..dun care
►Male or female?
Female!
►Smart?
You tell me~ :S
►Hair color?
Brown with a bit of red in there somewhere....
►Sweats or Jeans?
Jeans! Definitely Jeans~!
►Phone or Camera?
Ooo..I'll say Camera Phone!!
►Health freak?
Not extremely so? Ok not really...
►Righty or lefty?
LEFTY!!
=======================================
FIRSTS:
First best friend?
Hmm.. I think it might have been Eunice! (still is btw)
►First award?
erm..don't remember perhaps some candy?
►First enemy?
oh..well..I'm not sure if I would consider them my enemy...
►First pet?
hmm..a CAT or to be precise a cute adorable kitten...aaw
===============
CURRENTLY:
►Eating?
nope
►Drinking?
nada..Oo I'm parched
►Listening to?
nuthin really, the pitter patter of the keys on my computer
►Plans for tommorow?
SURVIVE!! No, just get a bit of school done
►Waiting for?
me to get over this!! To move on..
=======================================
WHICH IS BETTER WITH THE OPPOSITE
GENDER:
►Lips or eyes
Eyes :).
►Shorter or taller?
TALLER!
►Romantic or spontaneous?
Romantic...though I love spontaneity!
►Sensitive or loud?
Sensitive!
►Hook-up or in a relationship?
In a Relationship :).
=======================================
HAVE YOU EVER:
►Drank bubbles?
..what kind?
►Lost glasses/contacts?
YUP!! arrg...
►Ran away from home?
nope! I definately don't want to now but I did contemplate it once...long story..I was happy with my home even then though. Wasn't running just wanting adventure...but i DIDN'T
►Broken someone's heart?
Erm...I HIGHLY doubt it. If I have I'm super sorry whoever u r! Oo..that would sound insulting wouldn't it.. Anyway, don't think so, if I have I'm sorry :(
►Been arrested?
hehe...well...there was that one time...
=======================================
ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:
►Do you like someone?
oh boy...yes..arg..yes I do..
►Are you seriously happy with your life?
Ehm...right now? kinda... In two minutes? Who knows...
Like Ernest said..there aren't 100 questions here...

Wild Randomness

Ok right now I feel very immature and silly. As well as having felt very emo all day. I went to the doctor and he took off my itch cast for a bit and I got to see how ugly it had turned..yippee :S.

Anyway I've lost a lot of muscle in my knee and I need to do a bunch of exercising of those particular muscles.

Now I just wrote a very long and crazy poem sort of thing...but it isn't very poetic. Anyway I'm not dedicating it to anyone. It's just me being...well, me.
Please don't get the wrong idea...whoever will be reading this. It's a very foolish poem and if it sounds at all serious or like I've been heart broken or something blah blah blah. It's not. I'm fine, I'm good, everything is in God's hands, I'm happy and hopefully this will be the end.

I know who you are
But do you know me
No, you will never know me
That really, is the way things should be

Do I know you
Really do I
No, I will never know
But isn't that the way life goes?

Who am I to say I know
I shouldn't be saying so
I read and see what you have said
but that's not getting in your head

I will now forget
what else can I do
I should not be saying
all that I have said before

If I can't forget you
well, that's what I should do
I don't know what it takes
to change a heart that always breaks

Can't I fight with all i have
If it takes everything
I can always start again

My heart has first been filled
and now its first been spilled
You'll never know and that's ok
No I need just to turn and pray

every day will now be mine
and i will try and walk
farther from this hopeless dock
looking to the future's full horizon
I know my heart will wizen

When the time is right
I will reach to pick that fruit
that now is still not ripe
indeed, I should wait a while
until the day that God ordains
for me to meet my heart's one love

When my heart unites with his
I will thank God for you
and all you've taught me though
you'll really never know

I've thought of you far to often
and with each memory your image softens
I am young
and I am weak
but God, my father, is who I seek

You have your friends
I have mine
we don't mix and that's fine

If I remember you
I know I shouldn't
It's hard to forget
one like you were

this is silly
foolish mind
far more the fool
is my heart

I know I sound like silly sap
but this is where I should wrap
up all that I have said and thought
and think no more of you, my friend
this should really be the end

All I hope is one last thing
here goes my last fling
can we be friends?
just and only that?
Oh I'm silly
nevermind
you don't know
that it's you I mean

Anyway...I guess I thought I should put some kind of after disclaimer thing. The middle part is a bit weird...Anyway, this is the first time I've posted something relative to poem. Anywhere. This isn't even really a poem. It's just jerky thoughts without proper sentence structure. This isn't my best work. I'm not really all this emo.

I should be off to bed now so Good night!
Amy

How can I be rid of this??

When you think of someone way to much what do you do?
I tried this:
My friend once gave me the great advice that if you are obsessing to much over a person or guys in general. If your obsessing, (as I was and hopefully won't be so much in the future.) then you start purposefully obsessing about GOD.
So my idea was to get him out of my head...for extended segments of time. Every time I thought about him I would read a verse in the bible. Since, I couldn't keep stopping to read I kept count in my head and every so often would read a bunch of verse.

Needless to say I read a lot..a lot of verses that day...

I
Still
am
working
on
This. "-.-
I will persevere and if I can rid myself of this..this CRUSH. Then I will. And if I can't then I will simply bear it and enjoy the joys that come with it...and the annoying down and sometimes rather painful bits.

Church is my Life...

Here I am and it is Sunday the 11th of January. It is 1:49 and I am settled in my messy room to write on you for a while. Once I have this going well I think I'll start telling people about it to help me keep going.
I just got back from CentrePoint eating at Pizza Uno with my mom. Yum, we always get the same thing and it is quite good :D. But really, I didn't start blogging to talk about what I eat...at least that isn't my main goal. Anyway, now the highlight of my week is over, *sigh*. I'll be starting up at school again tomorrow and hopefully I'll get an entire Science test done! If I don't I'm going to be in trouble really soon...
My goal is still to try and finish school in April, but it might have to be changed because life will go on and I might need to be getting money for a few months in between. I don't know yet whether or not we are going back to the US in March. It will be sad though. Youth is now the highlight of my week, I look forward to it starting now! hehe...Sunday and I'm already looking forward to Saturday. '"=.=
You know the title of this post? Seriously..it's true. Pretty much my only social life happens with people from SSMC or joint church gatherings. I'm definitely not saying that it's bad.
It's great to have wonderful Christian friends!! I just need somewhere to interact with non-Christians so I will have some friends to chatter with about the importance of life...Ok that didn't make sense. If you're wondering why I couldn't chatter with my Christian friends about important thing and the importance of life..I do!! Anyway, I just need some more places to hang out with people.
I'll tell you about yesterday in my next post but for right now I'll just keep rambling on about today.

I was awakened this morning by my dad calling up the stairs to ask if I was ready to go to church or not. That definitely woke me up. I had totally forgot to set an alarm or anything! Thankfully it was only 8:30 and I told him I was getting a ride with Shing Yi and her family so I didn't have to get ready quite so quickly.
Church was good. Pastor Phua preached today and that was good. It was great to sit with some of my friends again. I really would love to be able to find ways of getting together a group of people to do fun stuff.
Anyway I had a great time and I got the birthday present off to Sarah so I hope Egbert gets a chance to give it to her. I really want to wrap up this post and try a few things with my blog so bye bye!

Blogging

The wonder of blogging. Really, it's cool. This can be good this can be bad but I have learned a lot about people through reading their blogs. I guess u could say especially people who wouldn't normally be that easy to get to know in real life...I guess.. Anyway. I think I broke my promise! It's already Sunday! I just lately got back from BersatUnite and that was a wonderful time. I was amazed at how many people I recognized. Not only did I know so many people that where there, but I also recognized them :D. It probably didn't hurt that people I knew just a bit would be curious as to what happened to my leg...Ok curious is one thing but not enough credit to all the great people that were there. They were concerned.

ooo
Ooo
OoOoo
OOoooOo
OOooOOOooO
hehe, I just figured out how to use the Size Thing.

Doh! O.o so blur one...

Anyway Now Hopefully My Blog will get Cooler!!

I can now have fun expressing myself with Size, COLOUR and a lot more! Oh Yes, Can't forget, Fonts too.

Good Morning!

Good Morning, Good morning, It's great to stay up late, Good morning, Good morning to You. Unless you have seen the movie Singin' in the Rain, you probably wouldn't have recognized this as the beginning of a song. Name of the song...what do you think? No, 'What do you think' is not the name of the song.
Anyway, those first few words tell you just about my last several hours. I just woke up and right now it is 10:23 am. I was up pretty late last night...or actually this morning to be precise. Now that I have active friends on msn it kinda gives me another reason to stay up late.
Last night, I do believe I might have had an epiphany. Now, I'm not really sure but if I did have one it would have been relative to blogging. I never knew so many of my friends blogged! I was chatting with Shing yi last night and she mentioned that she was reading blogs, so I asked her if she had one. She did, and when I went to it and started going down the list of names along the side I realized that there were a lot of people linked to her blog that I knew.
Ok here is the weird paradoxical situation. One of my ambitions is to be a writer, and here I am that I can barely write anything. I've written here and there, but really. Everything I've ever heard about writers is that they have to Write, Write, WRITE!! And here I just found all these great friends with well updated blogs and a lot of them have very different aspirations.
Well, I guess I have to prove to the world and prove to myself that I can be writer. I can do what is in my heart and soul a gift from God to do.

Oh, my mom just brought me my breakfast this morning! She's been so wonderful bringing me stuff cuz it's a little harder to get around on crutches. I wish I could at least take my plate into the kitchen but that wouldn't exactly work... I'm already banned from the kitchen because I broke a glass bowl by accidentally dragging it off the counter. Oops!

Midnight, Feeling Blogish

It's midnight now and I should really be off to bed very soon. I am really looking forward to tomorrow. Actually I have been looking forward to tomorrow all week. Why? you might ask. Well, it's youth and this is the first time I will be part of a new DG! I'm switching groups from Petra to Ezra in SSMC. Pointless details unless you know what I'm talking about. Right now I'm super giddy because I just found out so many of my friends have blogs! I'm really going to start blogging. Ok Enough said about the blog already.

I really can't get myself to calm down enough to really tell you anything so I'd better go to bed. Tomorrow I'll write more. I'll tell you about why I have a cast, why I'm switching from Petra to Ezra, what I think about this new year, What happened this last week and hopefully a bit more. Whew~! I just gave myself a long list of stuff to do. Now I just have to do it. Accountability I guess hehe..even though there isn't anyone counting on me to do it yet! Still, I will because someday...someone is going to dig back into the begining of my blog and find this post and the posts that come after it!

Your's (The Lord's) )Truly!(.
Amy

Oh man..I totally have to start blogging. I really want to start writing down the little bit of stuff that I do. I hope someone can find this enjoyable and not just weirdness from me :). I want to go back so far and begin years ago. Well, I'll start small just writing as it comes to me. I'm not going to preach anymore ;). I just want a place to express myself to the world I guess. I have so many dreams and hopes for the future. This is going to be the place I'm going to test them out on the world.
I guess I'll just start back in 2008 and work out from there. Hehe but you can bet that there will be a whole lot that I'm not going to be talking about on here. Since nobody knows about my blog yet I guess it's still pretty safe.
I think I figured it out. The point of blogging is to get a sort of accountability thing going. If you blog and get people who actually read up on you then you feel guilty if you don't write for a super long time. So there, i'm going to start writing on my blog. Like a journal.
Which in other words means people are going to be reading my thoughts as they so from head to paper and turn out rather rough. So here is my first beginning attempt at writing on a blog.

As I sit before here and listen to the gentle sound of music, I allow my thoughts to wander from here to all the places my heart has been. Life is filled with surprises and new experiences every day. I think on that amazing wonder that I am His and will always be. I see what I am. All that I really am. really really am. Here I am and God has taken me into his hands and he loved me.
The one recurring theme of all HIS Faithfulness. Today I dislocated my knee cap and had to go to the doctor. I am really sooo blessed. This may be sounding weird but no I've been more thankful today than I have in a long time. I'm thankful that it wasn't worse. I'm thankful there was a hospital near. I'm thankful for God's protection. I'm thankful for the fact that I was able to get it back in place within the first few minutes. I am SUPER thankful!! I'm thankful it wasn't worse. I feel like going on and on but I'll just say one more. I'm thankful that God put me with such wonderful parents and that he is so totally in control of everything. ok. That was two but who's counting.
I am so blessed. God is in control of my life and I couldn't have it any other way. I might be scared to go on a roller coaster because I feel so out of control to stop it when I want to, but there isn't a safer place to be than deep within the will of God. He is my strong tower my fortress and my guide. When I wander outside of this place he leads me back again. When I fight the temptations that surround my on every side I look up to find his shielding power there to deliver me. When the devil attacks me and I am wounded deeply from the arrows that strike where my sheild of faith is not strong, He is there to heal me and make me stronger than before. There are so many words in my heart longing escape into expression and so much that cannot even be explained into words that I become speechless with pure wonder and awe of all that God is.
Lord, Please help me learn to express all that is in my heart worthy of glorifying you.

I can list only a few ways that I would love to worship my Lord. I can speak of only a little that overflows my heart. As I sit on my bed with my leg in a cast I soar away on the wings of words. Even the words in the songs, You Raise Me Up, by Josh Groben, Who am I, by CastingCrowns, Captured by Natalie Grant, and soo many more that I cannot even name, are not enough to help me express who you are to me. And that's just to me!
Here I am a simple MK living in a country I can now call home. Malaysia is my home and will always hold a piece of my heart. Every day I want my heartbeat to grow more in tune with yours my God. I want every pulsing beat to be you enlargening my heart and soul to be more like yours. Give me more capacity to be filled with your unfailing love for all your children.
Day by day I feel a capacity I have never known before. I'm learning slowly how you look at people. I've been seeing total strangers in a totally new light. They have hearts and souls as deep and filled with life as I do whether they show it or know it or not. Life has been breathed into them by a maker that is constantly reaching out and calling to them with such a passion that it tears at my heart to hear his voice and see what they cannot seem to realize.
There is a zealous God reaching out, running after, searching for, calling to, every single human being on this earth. He shakes the ground with his passionate love. He thunders in the heavens that they might hear, that they might see! But look. He is SO filled with Love that he will not take away our freedom and make us see what is best for us.
He who WAS, and IS, and IS FOREVER the same has given each of us some part of himself that causes us to long for something better than what we are. In each of us he placed a place for Him to dwell, and that is what causes us to long for and desire something beyond ourselves. In his Awesome complexity he created us that he might lavish his love abundantly and gave us a choice to reject that intense and unfathomable love. I don't want to pretend that I even know even a fraction of what he is but this is what I know in the little that it is worth compared to his greatness.
He created us for Eden and we decided to take the fallen path where we become slaves to a ruthless ugly master whose chains are called sin. We fell into a chasm that we cannot climb out of on our own. Death opened it's mouth and swallowed us in. The pain and agony that tore God's heart I think no man will ever know. But in all his love he couldn't leave us there. He couldn't and didn't. God Soo loved the World that he gave his only Son to die for us that whoever believed in him would NOT DIE but live eternally. Eternally.
Eternally. And I think that where we will live Eternally will be all and soooo much more than everything we long for in the deepest corners of our being. Something inside of me is shrieking out in utter abandonded longing for that place beyond this world. No eye has seen nor any ear perseived what God has prepared for those who love him.
For those who love Him. For those who love him? Is that all?? Really? No. No it couldn't be. Well it isn't. It has become that way but God is a God of justice. He couldn't simply speak the words and it would be done. I've already told you what he did. He gave his only son. Only Son. How?
He died.
He Did.
What was necessary.
What was necessary?
To die.
The penatly of SIN is DEATH.
So he Did
He Died.
Is that the end then? No. That was Just the beginning. He died. And then Rose again.
Ok, call me crazy, call me a lunitic, a liar, a freak. Whatever.

This has been a very strange post so I hope no one will get mad at me for saying some of this stuff. I probably said certain things in the wrong way..Anyway I guess this is kind of a disclaimer... All of this is just me putting down my thoughts as they flow from mind to fingers.